Shi Hwee

Saturday, February 04, 2006

hesitating..

so fast sat again le...which means my attachment at hospital is over...yesterday finally got assessed...and i made some stupid mistakes again...haix..but i pass this posting le la...luckily if not need to repeat...:) nxt wk gg to polyclinic le...hehe..lucky got friends together...if not will be extreme sianx...

aniwae...got one big qns bothering me now...haixxxx...should i go 4 e chalet???..though i already answered ok..but really having big doubts now...reason being i havent been contacting them 4 so long le..plus i feel i dun really blend in with them..no offense to anyone here...jux wondering if i really should go....and make myself miserable..i mean if there isnt a common topic available...b/w me and them...i will definitely feel left out ba...i hate tt kind of feeling...and i dun wanna out myself in tt kind of position...but jux chickening out like tt..seems so rude...cos mayb everything is already planned...haix...i oso dunno wat am i saying now...or do anyone truely understand what am i trying to express here???...of cos i will wish to go to hav fun...but there seems to be a big question mark in front that will i truely be having fun there???...or will i jux as usual hav to like only go along with them???..pretending to be having a lot of fun...(ermm pretending seems a wrong word to use..but how else can i say it?)..

hmm..mayb i should not hav post this at all...even they will not see this..maybe i am jux lacking the strength to face them again...aiyo 4get it ba...i already agreed to go...and i will go...jux wondering if i had made e right choice...things will nvr be e same like it used to be last time..so even i noe some of them 4 years...we can nvr go back to like we used to be...ppl do change...they changed a lot..and i changed a lot too ba...changing is inevitable...so as to protect ourselves from harm...but escaping is not e way to solve anything..thus i will face it...only dead can escape ba.. so i will pray well tt i will enjoy myself...maybe i will la...but i noe it will nvr be e same again..and somehow it may be better this way too...because due to e lack of true feelings...there will be minimal harm or damage too(translate from chi...haha)...

to anyone reading this blog...dun understand nvr mind...i am jux venting out my thoughts...to lighten myself a little...plus me myself oso dun understand what am i gg to say truely...on e other hand..if one can effectively express own feelings into words and truely noe what why she is feeling like tt...there will be no more troubles or unhappiness le ba...

what am i saying actually?????

12:25


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