Saturday, July 26, 2008
PH tmr
A rest day again tmr..haha...PH for national day...yup...meaning tt i dun have off on tt day lo...nvr mind its ok...i dun celebrate nationday day aniwae...these 2 days morning shifts...i feel so tired and stone..dunno why...maybe i have yet to regain back my energy from night shift...so tiring during night shift...sadly...i am on night shift next tues again..
today is stressful too...loss of appetite for me...so i didnt go for break..really dun wan to eat lo...despite multiple callings for me to go eat...but i finished work quite on time la...so went home eat instead...
tmr rest day...i am so happy..haha...i guess i am still too used to school days...when u study for like 3-4 months..then get few weeks break...i working for almost 3 months now..so really tired until i wan to have a school hol break...lol...but cannot la of course...i guess my energy still remain in school time when i can only tahan for 3 months only...lol...after tt need rest...work really different...haix...no one month break tt sort of thing...sian-ed..so now..i am drained...but i cannot rest...haix..so sad...said to my mum i am tired and quite sian-ed by this job le...dunno whether really wan to continue on or not...like not really suitable for me lehx...then she say find other job lo...but now i thinking...what can i do really???...i know nothing else other than this lo...haix..no choice...i guess i still had to stay on for a moment...
earn more money first...i guess this is e primary aim for now...then after tt..can take annual leave and go break...haha...next country of aim is korea..haha..cheaper ba..but ultimate aim is japan of course...under slight influence by ashin's book..but japan should be a nice country to visit after all...tokyo..kyoto..osaka...haha...places of aim...but expensive sia...think must save up one year at least...haha..so korea first...anyone interested???...lol
discovered a nice game online..quite stupid..but test eye power la...haha
http://www.imayday.com/no2good/game.htmonly managed to play up till level 15..hmm..improving still..haha...but one day at most play 2 times only...cos my eyes will be too tired from seeing..lol
finished the korean show the legend lo...few days back..i think channel u also show finish le ba...really a nice show lo...though e ending a bit...ermmm..but plot is good...haha...tt's more impt...
tmr gg out with family ba..hmm...quite boring during rest days if just stay at home...maybe go eat something nice...cannot go far also..my mum's hand still like tt...haix...poor thing...i think we all really too dependent on her le lor...now most things had to do by ourselves...so tiring..mum is the best..really...family is still the best after all..i think i am gg to get a new blanket tmr..lol..old one making my nose really sensitive now..had to eat piriton every now and then to stop e running nose...my mum suggests tcm again..but i dun wan..firstly...is expensive...secondly..i really no mood and time to go and eat those bitter and wierd chinese meds lo...haix..so just symptomatic treatment for now ba..i think i am a wierd person in my family..lol..no air con...weather so hot..yet i still need a very thick blanket to sleep...lol..
pay come already...haix...not much again...nvr mind..its just starting...lol..so its time to eat and shop again...haha...
23:53
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Monday, July 21, 2008
almost 3 months
It is almost gg to be 3 months since i start working le..i really hoped this will not come so soon..3 months mean i need to be independent le...3 months mean i need to submit all e checklists le...omg...i dun dare to think...cos i nvr complete it yet...
I am really starting to think more now..am i really gg to continue this job for e rest of my life???
Honestly...i dun think i will be happy if i go on like this..
Honestly...my patience and tolerance is draining out..
Honestly...i am getting tired of this work le...
Honestly...what can i do???
00:03
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Monday, July 14, 2008
the LEGEND
Had not been posting for a number of days...2 reasons...i am too engrossed in a show the Legend...haha...no time to catch it on tv...so bought e dvd and watch at home when i am free lo...i had been watching every day now...though havent finish yet...but really a nice show..war shows are always quite inspiring to me...lol...2nd reason...yup..i am too tired plus lazy to go online lo...same old reason...
these few days...i am really testing my limits...lol...i am glad i am able to finish my work quite on time ba...but i am really busy like hell le...walking here and there...making phone calls like nobody business...haix...though how i dislike it..i must do it cos it is my job...haix..really sian-ed...especially today...really busy for me lehx...maybe i am not yet competent enough to handle all 9 patients..i actually havent finish my report for like about 3 patients when i pass over to the next shift...monday mornings are really so busy and energy draining...things i did today...prepare and send pts down for mibi, coros...then interward transfer to ccu...then sending pt to op...then admission...then discharge...not forgetting all the changes...and i handle like 4-5 telemetry today...so keep calling and getting calls from ccu...and one frustrating thing to mention..i have officially lost all my pens le...first my blue pen...then red...now my only black pen also gone...end up i borrowed pen from preceptor to finish my report...
tmr will be afternoon shift..i dunno whether to be happy or sad...happy..i can sleep more la...sad...is the ISO audit tmr...arhx...so scary to me...pls..dun ask me anything...cos i really know nothing...i cant remember the whatever policy or wat...i cant remember anything...so most probably i will be playing hide and seek tmr la...sian-ed...why dun let me have rest day tmr??...arhx...
aniwae...this week is a happening week...quite a bad week too...home in a mess too..no home cooked food anymore for the following months...clothes also had to wash myself...haix...why why why...because my mum fell and had a hand fracture...sian-ed...so now she slacking at home then we had to do all e work...ok...feel sorry for her too...a bit worry too...but not very serious la...maybe i had seen more scary ones..until now so cold blooded le..lol
ok...next thing to anticipate is of course pay next fri...though i had no bonus this time round...but i still looking 4ward to pay...hopefully it will be more than 1.5k...haha...but i doubt so la...i had spent so much money this month...so next month must save more...hopefully...lol
21:48
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Sunday, July 06, 2008
yet depressed again
I have slept for 11+hours...yet i am still feeling very tired when i went to work today...even now at home...despite me trying to flush myself with all the entertainment i usually enjoy...i still feel a little upset from work...and of cos...fatigue...i am not sure the tiredness that i felt...is physical??...or rather is it mental or emotional??...i hope is still physical tiredness...as tt can still be cured with more hours of rest...if not...i really dunno how long can i perserve on le...
just the previous post i had mentioned about how effective is music to me...but today...it is rather shocking to me that...despite the loud music that i played right after work...despite me trying to fit myself into the world of music..i still feel the major impact from work...i am not going to elaborate more about what happened in work...it is not a big issue anyway...it is just something that i felt i could have done better...but yup...i am not gg to write about it...cos i dun wan this to remain in my mind or here again...
well..no worries...like i said...it is not a big issue...or maybe not even an issue afterall...i guess..but i just felt quite upset and affected...for dunno what shit reason..i also dunno...somehow today...i just cannot get rid of work's feelings even after i changed out from scrubs..though hard tt i tried to liston attentively to the songs played in my ears...i just cant forget what happen during work..i am scared...really scared that one day...my one and only way that is effective for me to get rid of stress will be gone..hopefully not really...
tmr will be afternoon shift again...hopefully 10hours of sleep can help me to regain back my usual spirit and energy again..haix...perhaps i should flood myself with more songs again...
我收藏恐惧 爱上恐惧 那就再没有恐惧
最后我开始武装自己！！！！
23:21
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Friday, July 04, 2008
what touches me
It is yet another late night. Reason for staying awake is due to the fact that i have slept for the whole day already. But nonetheless, i am still quite tired actually. Well, purpose of this entry today, nothing important still. Just a random entry. But well, i have been blogging randomly since the head start though.
It had been two months since i started work already. Scary. Time really pass fast without you knowing it. Sister will be back next week, no more honeymoon period for us. I think i really have to start brushing up my knowledge. Soon, it will be time for me to work independently too. Can i really handle it? I really doubt my abilities now. Just hope that this day will not come so soon. I still need someone to cover for me now, i still cannot work alone without help.
Well, this job has really been both physically and mentally draining. So much so that i have little time for any other things. I cannot help it but just focus my life on work and home now. Not much of entertainment in my life now. All work, less play, i guess this concept will go on for a period of time. But i am really glad that i still can find some emotional support from the songs that i heard. Yup, a little wierd, but music really influences me now.
Ever since i am into mayday, their music remains in my mind every now and then. I listen to their songs whenever i travel or walk. I watch their concerts whenever i can at home during rest time. I am humming their songs whenever i feel stress or high too, at work while writing report or on the road when i am alone. All i can say is, i am really totally into their music now.
Every song carries a special meaning to it. I especially love listen to songs that synchronises with me, touches my spirit. Listening to songs is not just listening to someone singing now, still many aspects to it. The lyrics, the instruments, the atmosphere, the tempo, the backing vocals, and of course the meaning to it. I strongly believe every single song tells a story, so whenever the earphones are plugged onto my ears, i will give my full attention to the song and listen (watch). Strangely, i am able to picture the whole picture of the songs that i hear or even feel the feelings involved and imagine that i am involved. Please pardon me, i am not poisoned or what, and this is no longer just liking an idol that simple.
人的情绪往往会被周遭的环境牵着走。同样的，我的心情也随着他们的歌与音乐起起伏伏。完全融入音乐的世界里，只有在听他们的歌才会发生。他们对我来说，已经不是偶像那么简单了。相对来说，在我人生中最迷茫的时候，是他们的歌陪我走过的。每天上下班的时候，只要听着他们的音乐，就能让我忘记工作时的一切烦恼。或许这对其他人来说很可笑，靠这些虚无缥缈的东西来生活真是无聊。不过，对我而言，他们已经是我心中重要的精神支柱。
烦恼忧心的种种事情，工作时的无助彷徨，精神与心灵上的疲惫与无奈，这么多这么多的感触，让我常常不知该如何走下去，要向谁倾诉，而又有谁能真正了解。很多很多心情，就只能放在心里，自己承担。毕竟总不能老是向他人埋怨，老是把不快乐的事挂在嘴边。压力，烦恼，负担，该如何释放与消除？
每个人有自己的解决方法，而我，就靠音乐来平服心情。投入歌曲的情境，把自己当作歌曲里的主角，随着音乐的旋律漫游。一切都靠想象力。所以每当听完一首歌，就有如一个人出生然后死去一样，完成了一段故事。自然的，什么烦恼都忘掉了。
或许听起来很荒谬，不过也对，这是属于我个人的生存方式。
如果没有他们的音乐，我想我不可能在这份工作生存下去，不可能知道我下一步到底该怎么走，也不可能以乐观的心情对待每一天的挑战。
有时候真的觉得写词的人好厉害，如何可以写出如此触动人心的作品。歌词与自己的心情的互相呼应，真的很玄，好像歌曲是特别为你量身打造的。
Above is what i truely want to say and express in this entry. Some feelings are indeed hard to write out in words, regardless chinese or english. I guess this is the best that i can do to try and express out my thoughts. Actually, all i want to do initially is to write out some of my favourite lines of their songs only, not analysing how i love their songs or what. But somehow, these words just come out automatically.
Sadly, i am too exhausted to continue typing what i truely intend to blog. So many lines (lyrics) i wish to share here, but my eyes are not obeying my comments now. Perhaps i will continue with this tomorrow. I shall obey my eyes instead now and get to sleep.
Ok, lastly, this is again an entry pertaining to me only. Ignore it like the previous one ba. Perhaps when one is too tired, thoughts like these will come out by itself, thanks to the night duties that i had just completed.
By the way, i am not getting depressed or what. I am not negative in my thoughts also. I am still very happy everyday, despite the difficulties i face. At least, i am still carrying a smile on my face :)
00:09
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Wednesday, July 02, 2008
fated to love you
Watched the latest episode of fated to love you yesterday...it is such a nice show ya...ming zhong zhu ding...is there really such a thing existing in this world???...
fate...is really a query issue lo...everything tt happens in this world happen because there is a need for it to happen...every ppl in this world exist because there is a need for his/her existance...and thus everything is somehow or another fated...it is quite sad to say this...but things that will happen...will definitely happen...we as humans...with so little power...what can we do actually??...
we always say that our life is in our hands..we determine the way we go...but is it really true??...or we are just going in a way which e environment wants us to...i do believe that things are already pre-determined in this world...nope..i am not being pessimistic...i am not saying that we have no control over our lives...it is just that...what shall happen..will happen...
an easy example will be natural disaster...yes..we may be able to predict when e earthquake will come and where it will be...but so...are u able to prevent it from happening???..or are you so sure that e timing u predicted is so accurate that no one will be hurt in the event??..nope of course...it is just yup...fate...fated to happen...
but who says that one can only be sad when an undesirable event happen??..nobody says that we must feel sad when we meet with any difficulties...to find happiness in sorrow..to find happiness in difficulties...this mindset is definitely impt for sure..we cannot change or prevent things from happening...but we can change our way of thinking...shi4 shui2 gui1 ding4 bu4 neng2 xiao4 zhe4 mian4 dui4 kun4 nan2???...
and so..yup...every thing and ppl here are bounded by e cruel word fate...yet everyone has e freedom to choose to accept fate more pleasantly...to accept but not to avoid...
pk..maybe i am crapping here again..in e middle of the night...or rather in e middle of the morning..i am doing night shift at ward now..and yup...i need to get back to work again...nitex...(morning?!)
04:05
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