Sunday, September 21, 2008
update 21/9
It had been a while since i update...nothing much in particular recently...just the same usual routine lo...been independent for 2 weeks like tt already...but still feel very unsure...how weak i am...everytime i thought i had finished what i supposed to do..only to realise e opposite later on...haix...no wonder i cannot get myself to relax at home either...cos everytime i will find myself recalling things tt i had actually not done...and yup...which is then too late for me to make any admendments too...tt's a bad feeling...spoils my whole day mood...spoils my whole night sleep...and dampens my spirit to keep striving on at work...sucks...no wonder sometimes i really feel like leaving...not a very right place for a forgetful person like me...perhaps...aniwae...enough of rambling..quite sad though..no one to listen to my grumblings...only can type it all out here...to the virtual space of network...where maybe no one reads at all...lol...but well...is a way of relieving stress too perhaps...better to say it out...though to air...than to keep it all inside...
tmr will be afternoon instead of morning...good change...lol...no need to follow up so many changes then...monday mornings are always a mess...then the next day will be night again le..sian-ed...so many patients to handle at night...and e worst things is e need to take blood...haix...i dun like taking blood...cos i dun feel confident with it!!!..but no choice...haix...do i have a choice in the first place since i am born aniwae???
aniwae...last rest day went out with feiyan...haha...what a surprise right???..lol..initially i intended to slack at home de..suddenly decided to go shopping with her...haha..nice meeting up...my best poly friend in nyp...she seems so happy in sgh...haha...makes me feel a bit sad in comparison...but nonetheless...nice time catching up...and we are both spendthrift...lol...eating...shopping...buying...lol...and now...we are into a new yet old game...sudoku...okok...a bit outdated...but recently..i am deeply engrossed into it...nice to play lehx...haha...was in kino when i suddenly decided to buy this...then feiyan followed along too...
one thing great about work...u spend when u feel like it...lol...and u have the ability to spend too..lol...but of course...it is all own's hard earned money la..
suddenly feel like meeting up all old friends..like huiwen, candy, siying, mingyi, stif, regina, sim wes, joanne, charissa, xuehui plus a lot a lot more...miss them lotxa...really
and and and...i want a break...lol...i want to go overseas to travel...haha...any companion???...lol...i want to change my handphone...is dying on me...soon...and i want my pay...which is coming this week lo...haha...i want a lot of things...most of all..i want to be happy...
20:46
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Friday, September 05, 2008
pics of my uplifts
Just a short picture post today :)
the big big box of things...haha
unexpected gift tt comes with the mp3 player
mp3 plaer box...without e player...lol
c how small is it in my big hand...need to use super macro mode to capture
another view
the whole player...with e necklace and earphone
whole bundle...the top left one is memory card actually
fish leong's concert dvd...no. 2988/2998
with signature
qutie bo liao gifts
the discs....
actually...the dvd is quite ex...but is all worth it as the songs are really nice...captivating...i really got touched when hearing her sing...and even feels a bit like crying for some of the songs...some particular songs which i love in this dvd will be like 丝路，为我好，分手快乐，勇气，瘦瘦的...really a nice concert...
some other things which i bought like a month ago...what a spendthrift i am...lol...
refreshing foot spray...works well..for a moment...then e hand lotion..essential item at work
a new bag...dunno why i like buying bags...lol
pooh bear!!!..set my eyes on it for e first time...love it..
yup..that's all..next on my buying list..will be handphone first..then itouch...lol...gave up on iphone...not tt beautiful in actual when i see it..anyway...wonder what model should i get for hp...sony ericsson still..but dunno i want C902 or G900???..both looks nice to me...
19:07
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Wednesday, September 03, 2008
uplife in life
Sometimes..it only takes a small tiny thing to bring back happiness in life...uplift...tt's what u call it...just only when i returned home today tt i feel again...tired and stress over work...it takes for e deliveryman to knock on e door...and bring back the usual laughter to me again...ok...actually...i just want to say that the things tt i brought online had finally arrived...my mp3 player...dvd...etc...lol...and upon testing and finding out tt the mp3 player is working perfectly fine...it brings more joy to me...lol...i am easily satisfied...
aniwae...my troubles and stress for today are all forgotten....tt's good...lol...tmr will be working e last morning b4 my long waited break...of one pathetic day...
but still..today is a joyful day...tt's e main point..
thank you to those who left tags for me...
siying:...yup...we should meet soon lol...then maybe i wont be so stress le...counsel me pls...lol...
liane:...haix...we are both stress over work...but most imptly...is to find happiness in stress...because we both have no choice but to stay working isnt it??
candy:...ya...still got months to go b4 uni registration...i will see how it goes ba...and ya...happy belated birthday...sorry tt forgot to wish u on 24th aug...owe u a treat ok???
thanks to all..really..i am sad...but i will be better...
16:32
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Monday, September 01, 2008
shihwee's independence day
LOL..this is a day of independence for me...1st of sep...what a nice date to remember..finally..the moment has come for me to be independent..take report alone...write report alone..do changes alone...give medicine alone..pass report alone...really scary lol...esp medicine administration..e feeling of uncertaintity so strong..but no choice...cos i am alone..never expect myself to pass med test on e first go...and i was damm shocked when i looked at e test paper last sat..only 1/3 of the paper is what i studied...ok...or rather..i only studied e anti-hypertensive meds..but it came out a lot more than tt..the anti platelets...anti coagulation..procedures..inr...and a lot more qns asked by sister...but i guess her mood not bad tt day...slowly explained to me those things which i cant get it..and oso help me sign my ivm course assessment...so i passed just like tt...despite some mistakes here and there...happy-ing...haha...and of course..i shared the test qns with my batch colleagues too..lol..i almost told them every qns le...and what sister asked verbally too...i think i am very kind le lo..haha...but this should be e way ba...to help as far as u can...
aniwae..sometimes i am happy with this job..other times i am not...envious of those who can study and..most importantly..study or do what they wished for..i want to study too...but there is no opportunities..no support...yup...no support from anyone...can anyone imagine how sad is that???..i doubt anyone can understand my feelings..i already tried not to cry or think too much about this le...but still...a little sadded..is like..finally i decided what i want to do most...finally i decided what is my future route...what is my dream...what is the thing i want to do most...then in the end...NO SUPPORT FROM ANYONE...ESP MY PARENTS...i dunno what to say...i dun want to argue with them too..i understand their stand..but who bothers to understand mine...who bothers to think about how i really feel and what i really want???...having no dreams is bad...but having a dream but no way of fulfilling is a torture...but what can i do???
i dunno..maybe i should just remain just what i am doing now...having an income...no need to get money from them...but the main prob is i am not happy with this at all..i dunno...i just feel very sad that why cant i be like anyone else to study as they wish???...other ppl can study uni...choose what they like to study...even got any financial prob...due to the super ex uni fees..i bet other ppl's parents will find ways to help the child...be it bank loan or school loan or what...so as to let the child coninue her studies...get better qualification...this should be the right attitude isnt it??..but no for my case...can anyone imagine how i feel when my dad just say he will never sign any bank or school loan thing for me???...can anyone understand how i feel when my mum upon hearing this says nothing at all???...just ask me to take scholarship or what???...
ya...right...as if scholarship is so easy to obtain...i am not very outstanding or what...i dun have fantastic grades or achievement to get anyone to recommend me for any awards...so...i cannot study because i cannot get any award???...yes this world is so unfair...i know it...so i only can blame the fact that i am not born in a rich family la...
of course...alternative options is...to work and study at the same time...but this is impossible for me too..not that i am unable to take the hardship or what...but anyone who knows me well enough should know that my health could never allow this...just prcp attachment alone can make me lose 10kg in 3 months..just the stress from work now can make me feel giddy everynow and then...but sadly...no one really understand how bad i feel when i am really busy at work??...can anyone imagine feeling giddy when u turn..when u walk...feeling the world spinning...feeling the world in front of u gg black at times...and lagging when others ask u qns???...
really really really hate myself for being so weak....
really really really hate this world...reality is cruel...and me...as a weak being...has no choice but to succumb to fate...
(PS: alright...enough of ranting...though how angry...how sad i feel...life still has to go on...and i still have to work everyday...main thing now is...to find happiness in sadness...)
21:55
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