Shi Hwee

Monday, January 16, 2012

queues

Just a random thought in the midst of surfing net, reading materials and daydreaming, I think I am a person with high tolerance level. Lol. Ok totally random. I may not be patient while waiting for people, that's why I am usually late for appointments. I am not patient if people are taking more time to do certain stuffs, which affected me as a result. But, if it comes to queueing, I think I am highly patient as well as tolerating. Suddenly just recalled how I managed to buy tickets for Mayday's concert taiwan sessions (yup not sg ones as those can be easily bought over sistic, really!), how did I even have the patience to sit in front of the computer, and continuously clicking and refreshing for an average of 9hours? No food, no drink, no other entertainment, apart from reading comments in PTT for reports and complaints on how fucked up the ticket system was. I think the band members themselves are also amazed at our abilities, be it staring at the computer for 9hours, or queueing at the sales centre for hours. The joy that came after u see the credit card authorization success, is not something that u can ever imagine, unless u have experienced it yourself.

See this video:


Even the shop assistant is cheering for them. U may not understand or share their joy, but I do. I felt strongly their happiness, and was nearly moved to tears as well. I wonder why are we all doing this, like what ashin mentioned in the concert, we are spending so much time and effort, just to get tickets to get into the small and insignificant taipei arena. Of course, by saying this actually, he is implying a bigger significance behind all these crazy acts. We are just believing in something we want to believe in, and we are just following a dream commonly shared by us, and only us. This is something outsiders can never fully understand or apprehend.

Our foolish acts may be a merely a laughing stock to all others, but we clearly what are we exactly seeking. Mere 9hours in exchange for an infinite experience, definitely worthy. The strength and energy we will get out of the concert, is something that cannot be measured and understood. And sadly to say, u will not be able to understand what I've written here, unless u have experienced it yourself.

13:35


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Sunday, January 15, 2012

18歲72月01天

很快的,不重要的生日就這麼過去了。我今年還真的沒有慶祝到啊。嚴格上來說,兩天前有跟2位同事一起慶祝了啦,因為我們的生日都相隔兩日,12-14-16。

原來,隨著年紀的增長,人真的會越來越不想慶祝生日。或許只有少數的人吧,而那一定包括我。別人怎麼想的我不清楚,可是對我來說,生日真的一點都不重要,甚至可以說一點意義也沒有。或許這個負面想法是近幾年才有的吧。因為,我越來越搞不清楚人生的方向,也不清楚我到底為何存在。表面上, 我好像有了人生新目標,上學修一門全新的科目。實際上,我根本不知道自己在做甚麼。我到底是在學習新知識,做我喜歡的事,還是純粹的在浪費時間,蹉跎歲月?表面上,我好像很樂觀,很高興。實際上,我不知道笑的意義,也不知道有甚麼事情值得我高興。表面上, 我很忙,忙讀書,忙工作,忙著出國追五月天。實際上,忙碌是麻醉自己最好的辦法,太忙就不會胡思亂想,太忙就不會覺得自己存在其實毫無意義。

我喜歡躲在虛擬世界里,躲在五月天的歌聲中,從歌曲中,至少我會覺得自己好像真的有被人懂,被人理解。或許他們的歌,是屬於我的平行時空,而在那個時空,我是活著的。我有那麼一點點的重要,因為他們唱著我的心聲,讓我感覺歌曲是為我寫,唱給我的。這些幻想,我知道不會有人明白。在真實世界里,我好渺小,好微不足道。我不擅於言語,我從來不是重點,我總是孤單一個人在角落。我不懂得與人交際,別人也不會想理我,他們都在同一個世界,而我總處於我自己渺小的空間里。

其實沒關係。或許有時有點孤單寂寞,想說話但沒人聽,想分享但沒人在乎,一舉一動,一言一行都不會被他人放在眼裡。不過真的沒關係。我一個人,沒關係。

溝通能力是可以培養的,我知道只要我踏出第一步,我的人生或許真的會改變很多。因為,這些都是我個人的障礙,也只有我自己能躍過。可是我為何卻一直就踏不出去?我也討厭總怨天尤人的自己,討厭冷漠的自己,討厭光說不練的自己。明明知道問題的根本所在,卻一直沒有勇敢解決。我始終過不了自己這一關。

我想往後的我,還是會一直處於現狀吧。我沒有突破自己的能力,也不想因為要被人關注而多說點甚麼。話不投機半句多。我不想戴著面具面對人,更不想戴著面具面對自己。所以,請允許我繼續活在自己的世界吧。我不需要虛偽的關心,不需要假面的朋友。

以前的我常會想為何自己總是配角,為何都是我在聽別人說,為什麼焦點總在別人身上?我到底算甚麼。我的煩惱要跟誰說?我難過時為甚麼只能對著被單哭泣?為何只有我慶祝別人的生日,而我的生日只能自己過?蛋糕禮物祝福,都離我好遙遠。

後來,我也不主動告知自己生日何時了,不慶祝,不許願。難過煩惱時,就狂聽音樂發泄吧。受委屈?就吞進肚子裡吧。高興快樂,自己偷偷慶祝就好了。我好像也越來越不在意這些了,一個人就一個人吧。一個人也可以過的很好。做自己的主角,過自己的生活。只要留一點點位置,一點點空間給我呼吸就行了。

這世上,不可能每個人都是主角。有人渺小,才會顯得他人偉大。寫這篇文章的意義,我不清楚,或許只是想說,以前覺得很困擾很傷心的事,現在已經不是那麼重要了。或許,我真的長大了。

2012年,不會是末日,而我要努力找到第二人生的意義。話說,五月天[第二人生]的聽後感我只寫了一首歌,希望能盡快寫好。

最後,雖然說不慶祝,還是要對自己說一句“生日快樂”,遲到了,但我真的希望自己會快樂一點。

01:45


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Sunday, January 01, 2012

2012

Ok, everything will be cut short now, as the previous entry that I made was erased off totally again. What a spoiler when it is a whole new year.

So blessed to be in Taiwan to celebrate the new year, somemore the especially significant 2012. And very glad to be counting down to the new year with mayday at Taipei arena.

Currently I attended 3 sessions of the concert, which is the 6/7 of the sessions already. Tmr will be the finale, very excited and looking forward to it.

So what is the songs for all the sessions are similar or the same, I will still love all the songs as I know clearly that the songs are written with heart and to our hearts, and they are sang and played with upmost sincerity.

So what if there are spoilers or irritating person around, I will still enjoy the concert to the max and ignore all the interferences.

I think all the fans are over pampered by mayday that they expect more and more each and everytime. How often will u have concerts lasting for 4hours long? How often will u have singers on stage singing their lungs out even already sick, and being remorseful about how they have failed to perform perfectly? How often will u have singers talking on stage like everyone is their friend, how often can u feel a person's sincerity so deeply?

As I said, tmr will be the last session of the Taipei's tour. I will attend it with a brand new heart, a whole new day of 2012. High high high throughout I promise.

DNA world tour encourage me to pursue a whole new area of study. This world tour. I think it had encouraged me to persevere on my dream, and to face all challenges bravely. Nobody knows when is the world end gg to come, or when our own doomsday is gg to come. Hence we should all face everyday positively, and live everyday to the fullest, no regrets.

2012. I am ready.

04:25


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