Tuesday, February 17, 2009
自以为是
每个人都有自己的想法，而每个人都有自私的一面，就是喜欢把自己自以为是的想法套在别人身上。自以为是的为他好，自以为是都为他着想，自以为是的了解他，自以为是的认为自己多伟大，多体贴，多善解人意。
自以为是，是所有人共同的大问题。而狡辩，也成了许多人解决这个问题的方法。
人，都习惯了以自己为中心点，认为世界都是围绕着自己转，而用‘我’开头的字句，也逐渐越来越多。
仔细想想，“我所做的一切都是为你好”，这句话，曾在我们的生活中出现过多少次。
自认为所作的好事，真的好吗？真的是为了他人而作的吗？
别再自欺欺人了，别再把自己的想法硬套在他人身上，别再强迫他人接受你自以为是的好意，别再。。。
自以为是的了解，自以为很了解，或自以为可以了解，到头来才发现，知道越多，了解越少。越是想了解，而越是猜不透。越是探索，而越是发觉自己知道的越少。似懂非懂，只能用猜忌，最终，骗了自己，伤了他人。
不了解，不了解别人，更不了解自己。
猜着自己想要的到底是什么，猜着别人想要的是什么。
活在这世上已变成了一场游戏，一切的未知数，环绕着所有人。
真心或假面，谁也看不出，就连自己，也忘记了自己是否带着面具。带着面具，以微笑迎人。
开心时，我把笑容带在脸上。
伤心，想流泪时，我强迫自己把笑容带在脸上。
而没有任何感觉时，我依然把笑容带在脸上。
笑容代表着开心，代表着欢乐，还是代表着悲伤，代表着隐藏，有谁分得清？
被面具掩护着的真心，使得每个人时时刻刻都挂着微笑的脸庞。
而真正能代表真心的泪水，也被坚韧的面具掩盖着。 因为残酷的世界不允许任何人掉眼泪。
人的眼泪，代表着快乐，代表着悲伤，代表着痛苦，也代表着无限的无奈。而所谓真正的眼泪，没有任何人看得到。
最悲泣的哭声，最痛苦的泪水，最欢乐的笑声，最快乐的泪水，都只藏在人的内心深处。
别强迫他人给你一个答案，别要求所有事情发生的理由。
真正的答案，往往不可能从别人口中得知，而是由内心去体会，以你自己的内心去感应，相信你所相信的事实。有时候，不解，不也是一种答案？
（PS：我并不快乐，但也不见得我是痛苦的。写的，只是自己的感想，是真是假，请自己断定。你不需要明白我写了什么，也不需要了解我到底在想些什么，就如同我不知道你是谁，也不了解你一样。）
23:24
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Saturday, February 14, 2009
bad day at work
Today spent a bad day at work...firstly..i was too tired because yesterday only left the ward around 2230, and slept at 0030...so during dr's rounds i was so tired and sleepy...then the whole day i never ate a single thing because i was so busy with changes...talking to relatives...discharges...phonecalls...then worse of all...my patient had to fall at such time...in a case which i totally unaware of...so had to answer to coordinator all that...i hate to face all this...makes me wanna cry so much...and seriously...i am expecting my reprimands later next week ba...
I dun understand why such things had to happen...i dunno whose fault is it??..and i dunno what to do at all...just when i feel a bit passion for my work...just when i start to like gg to work a little...just when i feel ok with my ward...such things like this will happen and dampen all my spirits once again...now i start to have this questioning again...whether i am really suitable for this job??...whether i want to stay on at all???...sometimes...it just take an incident like this to make me question myself once again...and start having doubts...when i just started learning how to face work in a more 'relax' and positive way...such things will happen to make me fear to go to work once again...and makes me think so much until i am so troubled...haix...i guess i am still feeling a bit traumatised now...just thinking i feel like tearing again...luckily nothing happen to my patient...if not...i may just decide not to work in this line after all...
I don't know la...right now...i am still feeling depressed...maybe after a few days of thinking ....i will be back to normal again...but meanwhile...i guess i will still have to face questioning over and over again..and reminders of this incident over and over again...cos it is written in e ward message book...so it will be passed on over and over for this few weeks...so i guess i will be hearing comments over and over again...i just hope that my tears wont drop or what...i had a low tolerance for tears unfortunately...
what a great valentine's day right??...somemore today supposed to be my off day...went back to work OT..in e end must face with all this...sad...sad...sad
aniwae...i was so tired when i reach home tt i fell asleep sitting on the chair...lol..then slept for a while after dinner too...so now...still awake...tmr will be morning shift again...hope everything is fine...haix...see...my fear for work is started acting le...was watching some taiwanese show on tv just now...omg...they really can film all types of show...it was about a family argueing on tv...talking about their problems..ended up they were shouting...scolding and pushing each other on tv...so drama...supposedly...the son and his wife having some probs...the wife being pregnant...and child is not his cos he is diagnosed infertile...then end up e child seems to be the father-in-law's one...then the father in law and his wife were shouting screaming...denying...divorce la...all those issues...lol...this type of show also have ah....and worse of all...still got ppl willing to go there and showcase their problems to the whole world...like so wierd lo...it is not a fantastic thing to broadcast about ba...how to face ppl next time??..lol...one word...ridiculous...
now i am getting sleepy again le..should sleep to prepare for tmr's work la...but i know i definitely cannot get to sleep de...my stupid brain will definitely think a lot until i end up getting a sleepless night again..sian-ed...really sian
22:58
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Saturday, February 07, 2009
ongoing night shift
Currently at work...night shift...realised that my fingers are abit numb and painful...played too wild on guitar just now evening time...i think i am getting too anxious over wanting to learn it fast..yup..although can manage to remember those frequently used chords...but still...need to practise practise and practise...luckily using classical guitar now...if use aucostic...i guess my fingers will be broken skin all over le..i hoped i can have e motivation to perserve on...it is kinda hard actually..after work so tired le...still need to spend time learning a whole new instrument..and what's worse...can't even play it properly...PATIENCE...yup this is e right word to use here...perhaps after practising changing chords for 100 times...my fingers will be more 'flexible'...and also more strong and mobile...lol...but right now..the tips of my left hand fingers are still tingling...numbness felt...lol..PATIENCE..hahahaha
I guess i had nothing much to update this few days...nothing interesting happen and i am not gg to do anything interesting..lol...bought again..3more books...although i still had 3 untouched ones at home...i guess...books can be kept...long shelf life..haha...no expiry date..after years of the habit of spending money on cds and vcds...now it is changed to books...or rather..books are added to the list..haha..
I want to go for annual leave again..haha...like so fast right??..but after april...need to wait until like sep??..so i wanna go on april..if not like no chance le..planning to go somewhere again..with someone...place to be left unmentioned...this time..i had so many things in mind to buy...lol..i hope my baggage wont be overweight again...but first..i need to confirm my leave dates..b4 anything can be planned...lol...
this entry dun sound emo anymore???...i guess so...but i still feeling quite emo..how???...nvr mind la..i am always like tt...like ppl always said..u need to experience sadness first...b4 u noe truely how happiness feel...
made a small small wish here: hope my nights will be smooth sailing...just 3 nights...can??..haha
02:51
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