Friday, September 25, 2009

night shift again

Haix...i am on night shift again..i thought i wont get anymore night shift because of the course...but in e end...haix...luckily it is just weekend nights...ok...so 3 nights to suffer...but the bad thing is...i only got one sleep day...boo...meaning...when i come home on monday after my night...i sleep rest...then next day need to work again..somemore need to wake up early cos got course on that day...boo...what sorta rest am i getting???...is it that i already have too long a leave that's why i need to slog now??...headache now...cannot nap...cannot sleep..later still must go work...sianed to the max..

Yesterday first day back to work...not that bad...but i am a bit slower i think..haha...went home immediately surf net..i am becoming so ermmm...aniwae...is the first day of dna concert in taipei yesterday...read all the reviews in ptt etc...omg the concert sounds so exciting even in words only...read 4d effects...explosives...fireworks...water splashing out...cars driving in ...arhx...i am soooooo jealous...so tempted to go...and they revealed their concert in kaoshiung which is 5/12/09...arhx....i am soooo tempted to go...should i???...should i???

aniwae...was browsing through previous entries just now...from just when i started work...haix...how should i say??...i am just glad that i keep a blog...cos at that moment...at that point...all those things that i written down are just what i really felt then...now i realised...actually just one month after i started working i realised that this is not what i really want...but maybe due to time...due to some circumstances...i managed to pull on until now...but the more i read bout my entries..i actually felt so bad...i actually let myself 'suffer' on...hmmm...how should i say ...am i actually pity-ing myself??...one year ago...i may not have the courage to make any decision...because i already made the wrong decision when i chosen this course...thus i decided to stay on without deciding anything...but now...i should not carry on this mistake....maybe my goals are still not that clear at the moment...but at least now i have the courage to say i have really chosen wrongly..and i will soon go back to my right path again...ok...i have not decided on any big decisions or goals yet...but one thing i am sure...is what i will not want myself to be doing...ok...enough for now...the future is still foggy..lol...i should go nap at least for a while..i can predict a hectic night...

16:15

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

countdown

It is the last 2 days of my leave...counting down 1.5 days to work...counting down 2 days to mayday's dna concert in taipei...i am soooo tempted to go to their concert in taipei after reading so many of the reports...shouldnt do that i think..haix...24th will be the start of their 4-days concert...while 24th will also be the start of my work...and followed by 3 days of night shifts...purposely one...make me impossible to go for their concert...if not...i think i will really fly there to watch..I WILL!!!!....sobs...but it is impossible now...because of work...arhx...currently i am having severe stomach cramps...and yet i am still feeling excited bout their concert...i should say...this time the post concert syndrome is so much longer and greater and affecting me...yup...the DNA theme of this concert has really affected me so much...THANK YOU to mayday...haha...i think they probably wont know how much this had affected me...well...this is only the start and beginning...but from now on...gg to work and living on will not be so stressful for me as i already have a goal ahead...ok...this is really just the beginning...more plans need to be done...and of course...more things need to be considered....but still...just having that 'goal' ahead in life just makes everything seems so wonderful in a moment...smile and be happy :) ...anyway..i seriously wish DNA concert will be held in malaysia soon...preferably genting cos easier to go ma..haha...yup...i will definitely attend if they are gg to hold in malaysia...yeah!!!...

16:09

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

pictures time

After so long, finally edited most of my photos in computer..haha...some long long ones really dun feel like posting anymore..haha...ok start with taipei trip in july...
whoa...2 months ago le...haha...taipei really my fave country to visit...hehe...so want to go there again...haha...

16:34

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Thursday, September 17, 2009

post concert syndrome after 3weeks

So fast coming to the last week of my annual leave le...seriously i like never do anything fantastic...boo...cruise trip with family...then exam and homework...then meet-ups with friends...perhaps the most interesting will be meet up with primary school friends...haha...sunday met up with teck ming and candy...then monday with candy and huiwen...throughout i think i talk crap...lol...but it was fun meeting up really...went comex last sunday also before night meet up...haha...with xue hui they all...finally bought my px200 after much consideration...and totally no regrets..hehe...super nice sound system...i thought i am listening to a home stereo system...and have a 新的感觉about the songs...

these few days slack at home...sleeping at 2-3am everyday and waking up 12noon...unhealthy lifestyle i am leading...eating lots of tibits and ice cream and bbq stuff...sinful...i think my face is getting rounder...plus yesterday really 屁股痒 go and cut and dye hair...in e end today i really feel like dying...seriously dying...problem with short hair...i cannot go cut anymore if not botak le...and also the colour seriously...ermmm...i dun dare to step out of my house lo i think...now listening to 时光机 album...my sis say my hair looks the same colour as 阿信's hair in e album...can really die u know...now i see the picture i feel more like banging my head...arhx!!!!!...though my whole family is trying to comfort me to say that the colour is ok la...but still...HATE!!!...my dad even say why not get pair of blue eyes...boo...

是谁说要放肆的去追求梦想的，真是被他给害惨了！

aniwae...slacking at home everyday...i am always engaged in net...lol...100%宅女 le...watch youtube videos everyday...还在回味着DNA concert...shit...i am still not getting enough of their concerts...and next week is taipei sessions...boo...starting 24th...and i am starting work on 24th!!!!...really shit de lehx...meaning i cant get to watch any of the taipei concerts...knowing me..i think i will really fly there to watch if i am on leave...haix...now i hope that they will have a concert in malaysia..preferably genting...so i can go and watch..haha..i am becoming obsessed with their concerts..highly addictive...

从小我们就被要求一模一样，头发一样， 服装一样， 连人生的梦想也要一模一样
考个像样的学校，找个像样的工作，住个像样的房子，过个像样的人生。

终于有一天，我忽然发现，这就是我的人生吗？

这就是我的人生吗？

日复一日，月复一月，年复一年。白衬衫，黑领带，我的人生。

是不是DNA注定了我们都要一模一样，一样平凡、一样普通，一样一事无成，一样困在生活的圆圈里，日复一日，月复一月，年复一年。

可不可以重头再来过？
可不可以重新开始活着？
可不可以重头开始追求我的梦想？

我好想复制一个新的自己，重头再来。再也不是白衬衫黑领带的自己，我好想复制一个新的自己。

如果不行，那就让我复制一个新的世界、一个新的世界，一个不在日复一日，像个绝望的人，一个新的世界，新的世界。

I particularly love this part of the concert when they showed this video...saying this 口白..actually...i think they really can hit the painful areas of everyone..how to say...一字一句都准确的刺入人的心中, 至少有说中我心中的痛楚。if can...i really want to 重新在活过, if can i wont let myself walk the same path again lo...haix...but definitely not create a new world la...tt's a 偏激的想法。得不到就毁掉，从新建立新世界。sounds like 'L' movie...but i am sure the meaning of the movie is not this either...the whole aim of this movie or this concert in my opinion...is to 用心找回自己最最最初的梦想，然后放肆的去追求梦想，而别作一个只为生存而活的人。即使DNA注定了我们必须这样，但只要肯努力，敢去闯，自己也能创造出属于自己的DNA。

Hmm..i wonder when can i have the courage to "steal a DNA" and change myself...first in all...i dun even know what is my 梦想...even if i have one...i really dunno do i have the guts to really put down everything to go pursue what i want...it is not that easy really...that's why so many people in this world is not living a life they want...because it is so difficult to step out and away of your small comfort area...stable job good pay...it is the basics that a person need...what is dream man??..haix...of course there are still people who can give out everything to pursue their dreams...give up a high pay job to start studying what they want again...leave their homeland in search of that something???...what is my dream then???...i wont hope to have a dream, but i hope to have the courage to give up my things now when i realise what i really want...梦想不是挂在嘴边说说而已，梦想是需要勇气去追寻的。

I am glad that by chance i happened to like mayday all of a sudden...it is really by chance...getting to know them...know more about their songs...although my circle of friends rarely are their fans...and although i have heard bad comments made bout them...although some of my friends do make fun of their songs in front of me...i will take it tt they are ignorant...well...要找到与自己产生共鸣的歌曲真的不容易...maybe they didnt really pay attention to their songs and lyrics...maybe they dun even care about what is dreams la...courage la...all these things...maybe they are already leading a fulfilling life that they dun need these additional push to enrich their life...but not for me...when they are laughing at how foolish i am to spend so much money on their concerts....or when they are laughing at how crazy i am over them..i am just actually trying to find that 'thing' in life that is not present in my life...i cannot explain that 'thing'...well...actually...i am actually quite sad when i heard those comments...i am sure they did not think before they speak...if not 怎么可以轻易的说出那些伤人的话。一样渺小的东西对他们来说或许什么都不是，但多另一些人来说也许就是全世界。how do u judge a song??...by how beautiful ther lyrics is? how wonderful the song arrangement is?..or how great the song composition is?...i dont think so...it is how the songs coincides with you and your life...a great song is one that sings to you and many hearts...a great singer is one that sings the song as if he is singing in your ear to you...and a great band is one that plays the song with all their hearts...so how great the song, the singer, the band is to those people who never at all listen the song once with their heart???...and who are they to laugh that i am crazy to spend and jump? i am sounding harsh...but i am serious...i know no one will really read what i write...at least not those people that i am referring to actually read my entry...but still...when i actually laugh along with them when they made those comments..i am just laughing at their ignorance...and my ignorance that why am i still hanging along with them??

不哭，不叫，不代表我不痛。同样的，笑容不代表开心，哭泣也未必代表悲伤。

这世界，并不是想象中的那么简单，而我，也不是他们想象中的那么单纯。套一句‘盛夏光年’的歌词，长大是人必经的溃烂。就让我在他们的歌曲里，寻找并保护那仅存的纯真吧。

haix...long time never write such a long and emotional entry here le...not that i am angry with whom or what...actually...i just want to write that i am still in post concert syndrome...then write write write...until i suddenly thought of such things...then just write down lo...haix...i got no guts to say all these to their face...so i can only vent here...but seriously thinking...even if i say all these right at their face...they will just end off with a laugh ba...没有梦想，但想象力还挺丰富的。那些人，我闭着眼都能想象他们要说什么。有些问题，不用问也能知道答案，有些人不用问，也能知道他们会怎么回答。有很多事，是不需要说出口的。

ok...i should end..these few days had been arranging and editing photos...will post all photos before my leave end...bye

16:59

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Wednesday, September 09, 2009

study day

haix... i am stuck at home+mos burgur just now to study...boo...so long never study...i dunno if i can really remember everything i read...haix...burn oil tonight...and get it over tmr...so i can thoroughly enjoy my annual leave..haix...relax times pass so fast...now already like 7th day of my leave le...so fast gg to be over...arhx...i still havent done so many things yet...i havent post pictures of so many events here (which i doubt i can...my blogger is failing on me again)...i havent re-arrange my room...do my photo album (manual album)...plenty of tv shows to watch...and sleep...lol...

haix...meaningless update...i just want to write something...back to notes...sian-ed..it is even thicker than my poly notes...and to study everything in one night...pls bless me..wish me luck...

23:09

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Shi Hwee
CS Yr 4 in NTU

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