Saturday, July 16, 2011
FOC: shinrikyo
Back from camp finally! It has been a long 5days. Only had some energy to update here now. Catching up with sleep and entertainment on the tv and computer. LOL. I was so badly burnt until I barely recognise myself. No exaggerating lo. I looked like I come from india. sadded. All my efforts in whitening care is gone. Need to restart all over again. So difficult to whiten my face a bit, and now, poof, it is back to dark skin again. No, is even darker skin than before.
Just finished packing my stuff for tmr. Decided to pack less. Just enough for 3d2n. Not enough then buy there ba. Haix, so sick and tired of packing le. So not excited for the trip cos I really am so tired now!!!!! Beside the pain due to sunburn, muscle ache bruises?? and butt bruise I think from all the sleeping and sitting on hard ground. Haix, shagged now really. But luckily I enjoyed myself a lot. Cannot imagine not going for this camp. I may not be the most active, I may not have known many friends, I may not have even talk to a lot more others, but I am already satisfied by just being present. Always hated to put myself in such situation when I will be totally submerged in a brand new environment, yet I always need to go through it over and over again. I am the sort who needs more time than others to get along well with people. From poly, when I only knew my gang from 2nd half of yr 2, to work, when I worked more than 6mths before I dun need to lunch alone, I predict the same thing will happen again.
I am just glad this is definitely not due to my age, that I am seriously overage and too old for camp. I guess it is all due to my introvert character. That I am not good at socializing with others all the while. But as I said before, dun expect everyone to be the same, to all be active and talkative and initiates everything. If that happens, the whole world will be in a mess!!! I will always be the quiet lie low me when it comes to a new environment. Until I find my own click?? I think people who know me well enough will know that it is definitely difficult to get me to stop talking then. LOL. I do wish to have the ability to talk to all strangers as well, but I just can't do it. Do not want to force myself to be talking crap to people whom I dunno, do not want to be so fake. Not saying that people who do that are fake of cos, it is just me alone. Cos if I also do that, it is so fake cos that is not me definitely. I am not one like tt!
This time round, I have this feeling that it may be a bit tough for me to fit in well. Cos everyone is just so ang-moh pai. Lol. My way of saying. Maybe I am chi-na as well, in the eyes of them?? WHatever. I love chinese more than ever. I am very proud to be a chinese person, one who talk in chinese and listen to chinese songs. And I will not force myself to like english songs/shows when I dun. A bit glad that I have not seen any foreigners yet in my course. Hehehe. But maybe because they wont attend camps as well la. Hahha. Waiting for hall results to be out now. Will know it like next week?? Hopefully I will be in a newer and air conditioned hall. haha.
Still have no idea when I need to be in school for the first week? Haix, I just I will figure it out when the time comes. And ya, need to buy a macbook for school le. Haven't decide on the exact model yet. SO many things to be done still. And I got like no time yet. Coming back from KL on tues night only, and I think I will be working already on wed. Just dunno the time yet. Sian-ed. I think I may have push myself too hard. No time to rest. Haix. But money is important as well. Lol. Nvr mind, KL trip shall be a relaxing one. And I will grab every opportunity to sleep more. Can't believe that during camp I can sleep like 7am in the morning. LOL. Luckily I am used to working graveyard shift, still can ton a bit. But I really love every part of my camp. Even if it means I am running the last for amazing race and totally feel like crying le. Love my OG shinrikyo. Love all the people inside even I may not really know them well. Love FOC. Love my choice of coming here.
Good nights.
23:31
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Sunday, July 10, 2011
packing day
Finally finished my packing for the camp tmr. Super bulky. So difficult to squeeze in 5days clothings into one bag. Of course I cannot accomplish that, hence ending up with 3bags. One backpack, one hand carry bag, and one shoe bag. Very heavy as well, makes me headache when I carried them all. Like running away from home like tt, still need to squeeze tmr morning bus with all these barangs. Haix, super sian. I am so not looking forward to tmr. Well, I guess I am really a bit reluctant to go. I should have not register for it in the first place. Camps are really not for ppl like me, at least not for me. Introvert, anti social, super quiet. And old. Totally wrong. But no choice, I made the decision to study this course, hence all I can do now is to continue the mistake, making it not so wrong??!!
I guess is the stupid uncertainty feeling again. Confused and contradicting now. Haix. 5days to survive. I am really disheartened even though I have not even started it yet. Is it really because of this that I am unhappy? Or is it about something else which affects my mood regarding tmr's camp? Well, I think so too. Affected by other things which in turn makes me feel negative about everything. Thinking too much again. No wonder ppl always say, having no hope ensure no disappointment. I guess I expected too much. Wishful thinking? Ok, after today, I am going to forget about all those crap and just start enjoying my student days again. I am going to enjoy my camp! It may not be as bad as I think after all.
So, mon to fri, I will be unavailable. Sat will be a sleeping day. Sun to tues, I will be heading to KL. Wed onwards will be work again. If there is of cos. If not, I will just slack at home, and prepare for school. Hahhaha.
Think no more. Just enjoy!
Yeah. To myself.
20:49
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Saturday, July 09, 2011
eventful last day, as usual
Had my last day of work, as a full time agency staff, on thursday. Eventful as usual. If anyone still remembers how unlucky I can be on my last day of work over at NUH, the same thing applies to here as well. I think it is really by nature that my personal luck is really not up there totally. Extended my hours and work a 12 hour shift on thursday cos rushing for shipment. Well, it is hard to explain here, but that day was really terrible. With documents piling up high high, there are just plenty of things to be done and not yet started. Photocopying, which is the most tedious. Imagine standing in front of that stupid a bit faulty copier and photocoping for 2-3 hours. Lifting the cover up and down alone can kill u, and u are unable to use the feeder since the pages to be photocopied is a 3-tier paper. And one file is damn thick! I think I repeated myself at least 5times on that day teaching people what things to photocopied, how many copies etc etc. But really thanks to all that helped, cos me alone, I used like 3 hours only to photocopy 9folders. So the other 9 was completed by others. But sad thing, things dun just stop here, u still need to tear the 3tier paper one by one, and filed in the photocopied ones. Totally time consuming, and it takes longer time than one complete folder check!
But I should be thankful, that day was still a pleasant one since I am working with nice colleagues. Enjoyed myself talking and joking with them. All the jokes, singing and crapping makes time pass faster and easier. And things are also completed on that day. Hahahha. I quite like this job actually. U get hard times, but u also get easy times. Though busy, but it is still bearable most of the time. Where can u find a job which pays u 20bucks per hour just to photocopy or tear papers?? Wahahaha. ALthough not all the time we do simple manual things like this la. Glad that I have this nursing knowledge, that I can do more technical things which are paid higher. It was sad to leave the workplace. Returning of my access card and to clear my work station. Misses my desk and my name which will appears on the phone when someone called my desk no. And of cos, misses all my dear colleagues cum friends whom are really really really nice to me.
Had a fun time with them today, or rather fri. To specially take half day off to go out with me. Celebrated Margie's birthday in advance as well. And sing many many songs at kbox @ scape. Hope to see them again real soon. Lin Lin, Margie, Wanxiao and Zu! WILL definitely MISS them!
And I got a new soft toy again! Cute monkey pillow from Angela and Christyn. SO sweet of them also to get me a farewell gift. I realise that every workplace I been to and left gave me farewell gifts. Like when I worked in Isetan scotts during the o-level to poly times, they gave me a mogu pillow which is expensive to me at that time. Then over at NUH I was given a camera (ok, I did forked out some money too but mostly was paid by my colleagues), and a canon one somemore!
I feel so blessed and happy. Contented with all that I have now. Hope all this happiness in life will continue on :)
00:22
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Friday, July 01, 2011
inspiration
Sometimes what u need is just a word of encouragement. Sometimes thinking can change just because of a simple happening. SOmetimes, a lot of things change just because of something. Sometimes u just need someone or somebody's words to inspire u.
I may sound hesitant and indecisive in previous posts. But from now onwards, I will be coward no more. Inspiration from a blog article which I just read. I think I can totally understand what he is trying to say. Dream, is really a magical term. And I truely believe it is really not far from u, if u believe in it and work towards it. Deciding on a dream can be easy, to realise it is a totally different story. There will be things happening which made u hesitant about what u are doing. U will start to doubt yourself? Or even doubt your dream, doubt everything. Starting to think or question yourself whether all along are u doing the correct thing? Or are u even on the right track or u have deviate right from the beginning. Just like what I am feeling previously. The nice vision in front of you starts to get blurry. U cannot think of what u really want, simply, your dream is fading due to all the obstructions u face. And things really get scary, because, u cannot picture your future ahead of u like u used to do so. U cannot imagine anything, cos ur mind is just simply in a blank.
Things do get better though. I believe so. This differentiate successful people and unsuccessful ones. Just to hang on a little while more. Till u finally clear the haze and see the impending light again. I dunno whether can I successfully get into this stage, but at least now, I see more hope ahead. I like the idea of how my life gets inspired by all these little things which others may not even care a shit about. It may all sound silly but it is no doubt very true that I am indeed very motivated because of all these silly things. Am really glad that I found this effective form of booster in my life. And if anyone is interested, can just read this article below which I am blabbering about.
From ashin's blog,
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4b66ade8010185f7.htmlIt really does make a difference, at least to me.
Oh just to share the personal essay which I've written for NTU's application:
Many people come and go in our life. Some leave us no impression, whereas some encrave our hearts deeply. People who influence us may not be someone we knew. It may be someone who existed in the past, such as great inventors or musicians like Edison or Beethoven, or it may be someone you randomly seen in the newspaper who done a kind deed of saving a dying animal. Every minor thing has the ability to influence or affect us, and any person can change your life. For me, I must say I was indeed greatly influenced by someone whom I did not know personally, but yet known him through his music. He had once said growing up is the most terrible experience that one need to go through. Agrees? Yes indeed. Most people yearn to return to the most innocent period of our life, childhood, when happiness is the main happening of life and disputes only happen due to minor fights over toys or sweets. Of course, there is no time machine in this world and hence we can only reminiscence the past and cherish the present. No doubt the present may be filled with disasters, fights and frights, we should still attempt to change this world for the better, even by a little. He may not have the ability to change this world, but the least he can do is to use his music to express his concerns for this world. His music may not had changed anything in this world ultimately, as people still fight and disasters still happens. But at least, it had given me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and pursue my goals, and also a hope that future does still exists as this world is not that bad after all.
Oh yes, I am writing about him. Hehe. Ignore the careless grammatical or spelling errors.
五月天阿信=崇拜+佩服
23:30
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