Sunday, May 27, 2007
confused
Hmm..tired day...slept too late yesterday at 3am...due to watching of 'lame' shows...but i chose to watch tt though...really need to add some laughter to my boring life now...i am getting quite irritable nowadays...a lot of things i cant stand..of cos i wont verbally express them out..but i guess my body language says it all...after all msg conveyed through body language e most...whereas words are in a sense quite meaningless...words can easily mislead others...but i guess body language wont...words may not exactly tally with heart..hmm..so what nonsence am i speaking now???Haix...i guess i really need to find more uplifts to my life now...and at e same time...oso stop thinking bout those negative things...or even not to think so much or wad...i dunno why...but i guess is really hard to trust...why is that so???...i dun like to doubt others...but it just happens always...i dun remember myself being hurt by lies or watever similar things...so what exactly is e reason for me being so mindful and wary of ppl and their words...perhaps i hav been hurt b4..but i chose to 4get bout it...so now i dun remember a shit now..well...i dunno...maybe is because i watched too much shows...negative media influence...lolx...but life is a show isnt it???...99% of ppl are acting always...its a norm to act...everyone is doing it...thus its almost impossible to differentiate true from false...who is real and who is not...who knows...even e person may not know either...we are losing ourselves in this hectic world...is there really a self in the 1st place???..ok..i am getting depressive here...thinking too much again...tired physically and mentally...what u call tt???..a breakdown??...haha..nope ba..i am not tt hopeless yet...jux confused bout e reality of this world...perhaps i should not read too much into ppl's mind or words...close one eye ba...a foolish and not so clever person is better than a clever person...a clever person tends to think too much...of cos i am not saying i am clever or wad...i maybe smarter in academic...but totally hopeless in other worldly matters...i am bad at speech..bad at communicating...even bad at expressing what i really wan to say...utterly timid person i think...i dare to scold in my mind...but not out of my mouth...if only i am braver...maybe i can be more happier..i dunno...what i really wan to say in this entry??...haix...i dunno either..maybe i am jux trying to express out some of my confuse thoughts..however i dun even noe wad exactly am i mindful about??...i dunno wad i wan exactly...or maybe as someone calls it...i dunno anything...izzit really bad not to know anything????...well..to me i guess is ok...maybe not to others...different opinions ma....but knowing too much is not necessarily a good thing either...or is it i chose not to know anything...well..i really DUNNO...hmm..dont mind me...if can..totally ignore this entry ba...i hate NOW...but next moment will definitely be better..i know it...and one good thing about me...my anger wont last...bad things wont last in my memory....wait tmr....yes...it will all be fine tmr...
20:50
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nice songs
Recently a lot of nice nice songs...recommed 2 songs here...ok..not exactly new songs la...but is nice...first is by 蜜雪薇琪..is this song playing at my blog now...nice..cos of their great voices...then e other song is by cyndi...a nice songs due to e lyrics...she once mentioned tt this song reminded her of xu wei lun...hmmm...i feel tt too..i guess what makes a song good is e feeling it gives ppl...upon hearing this song..had e feel of wanting to cry oso...shall post e lyrics here...
那年夏天宁静的海
那时我们天天在一起 太幸福到不需要距离 很贪心 要全世界注意
只是太年轻 快乐和伤心 都像在演戏一碰就惊天动地
今天 看你昨天的你去了哪里
那年夏天我和你躲在 这一大片宁静的海
直到后来我们都还在 对这个世界充满期待
今年冬天你已经不在 我的心空出了一块
很高兴遇见你 让我终究明白 回忆 你真是精彩
还记得一起努力 还有那些 一言为定 现在我就当过去是种学习
00:48
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Sunday, May 20, 2007
stressed up+++
I am officially stressed up +++ now...i bet i nvr feel so stressed b4 in my whole life...not even for my o levels or watever exams....what's e meaning of stress to me then???...it is...having ur normal physiological functioning all messed up...dozing off at inappropriate times...hav ur minds filled up with -ve things...getting more bad tempered and frustrated at almost everything...so ppl...really dun say anything to provoke me or wad lor..if not...i dunno how i would react...hmmm...so wat exactly am i stress for???..well..is a combination of many things...firstly...i think i am getting too fat..haha...yup..this make me upset too...lolx...then nxt is of cos sch work...especially e upcoming icas...in particular e community health one..lolx...i nvr feel so 'insecure' 4 a presentation b4 lor...and is this coming thurs..and i doubt we r fully prepared...i dun even noe what is really required for us..sianx...if only we are not e 1st grp to present...then we can get some ideas from other grps...but right now..we are at a loss..lolx..then tues oso got another presentation...but i tink tt's ok de ba...i will be able to make it back to sch in time 4 e presentation i tink...(and i WILL)...and yup nxt thing stress is of cos co la..but everyone is stress...so i tink is pretty fine...i dun feel a lot of tension from there...after all is something i like (if not i wont stay until now...haha)....lastly...i am stressed bout ******** (something something something)...haha...not really stressed la..jux in a loss of wat to do...ok...i doubt anyone will noe wad i am talking bout...aniwae...today jux visit my grandfather at TTSH...lolx...he has been admitted since last sunday le..then i only hav time to visit him today...jux c how busy i am..my mum laugh at him..lolx...cos he really look like panda now..with severe blueblacks on his face due to his fall...but he is ok now le la...can discharged tmr...but he is a non compliant patient...despite high risk for fall he still like to walk around...lolx...dangerous lor...cos he jux hav e pacemaker batt changed...and guess wat he told me...he said tt i should not hav come to such a place (meaning hospital)...then he ask my mum dun bring me come..i guess hospital is still a 'not so good' place in old ppl's minds...but he forgot one thing...i am a 'nursing student' lor....haha...
20:04
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Friday, May 18, 2007
WooHOO!!!!
Oh..yeah!!!...e blogging thing is back to normal le...haha..finally...i can add some colours to my entries now...hmmm..but one sad thing..i hav nothing to update today...lolx...mayb i am jux too tired to tink of anything...hmm...ok...enough of this..i am gg back to my tv...angel lover...bye...
23:35
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Friday, May 11, 2007
Arhx!!!!...jux saw something...or rather some incidents tt make me so errr...disgusted...yes disgusted is e word to use....while watching tv jux now...heard some voices downstairs..so i kapo go to e windows to look...jux wad i saw...like 10+ ppl are gathering down stairs there...to kill rats...yes...i mean kill literally...ok la..i now rats are pest...and they bring no good to our lives or wadsoeva...but still...is a life ba...then c e way they kill them: step...throw...swing...kick...hit with a stick...walao....so violent lor...imagine if they are killing pets but not rats....really can put them in jail lor....i noe is part of their job..but i still felt tt they should handle it better...and not like tt 'murdering' them where everyone can c e blood and all those gross stuff....really cant stand it....变态!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and one more coomment...up till now e blogger is not back to normal yet..meaning i cant change font colour or wad lor...hmmm...guess i hav to settle with black (and white) for e time being le..sianx...
难得 i so free today...so update a bit more ba...i wonder why my anger comes and goes so fast...reading e post i put up yesterday...i jux cant seem to find back e anger and frustration i felt yesterday while typing e post...hmmm...perhaps my bad mood had already subsided...thus i cant feel e strong anger now...but tt doesnt mean i forgot all bout this matter le lor...ok...i think no one will ever noe wad i am referring to...ok...perhaps only a few good friends ba..
aniwae...today i specially came to sch early by taking e train...cos i dun wan to be late for 9am lesson animore...haha...so reach quite early round 8.40+ ba..tut is fun with trina as e lecturer..then later go for e 1010 lec lor...a sian sian lec which i never pay attention to since e sem starts...either i am talking to feiyan or yy...haha...but today yy sits e row below me...so quite difficult to chat with her...but got other friends like stif reg and simwes la...i feel bad..cos i tink i distracted them to listen to e lec...haha...so i try my best not to disturb...so i talk to feiyan lor...then we were discussing bout chi names...then i commented tt her chi words so nice...haha...so she write my name for me on my lec book..then stif they all c le oso wan...haha..so feiyan become our official name writer...but her words are really nice la..not like mine...look like pri sch handwriting...haha...
then after this lec is another sociology lec..but this lec more interesting...cos e lecturer really noes how to attract our attention...and makes me laugh non stop...so i paid attention to her lec...except for minor talking distraction..(ok..i am distracted due to me talking too much...not others talking to me...lol)...sometimes i tink tt i really should not mix so well with friends...cos there is this very high likelihood tt i would talk non stop in front of them lor...but i doubt few ppl had seen me talking so much ba....ok..i will control myself de...if not like very 烦 lor...
then after lunch...go discuss e community health project...do until like 5pm like tt...hmm...finally finish liek 60-70% of it...relax sia...cos we are presenting on week 6 le...week 6 has 3 presentations...mon tues thurs...whoa....week 6 quickly pass..then i can relax a bit le...of cos not forgetting next week skill test too....
met wanyi round 5+ ba...go pay e money for e AIMF...burn big hole in my pocket...haha...ok la...not my $$$ so nvr mind..then after tt i go home lor..today bus came very fast..then i jux slept throughout e journey...tmr got co prac in morning again...mux wake up early..haix..nvr mind...after prac i shall go get s.h.e album le...a routine to buy their album..haha
(PS: jux quarrel with my sis...very stupid lor..she always give me tt kind of 臭脸 lor...really HATE it..so i jux scolded her..plus push her a bit...haha...but still i dun tink is my fault lor..but as usual my mum would side with her la...walao..always like tt one...she tt kind of face really make me wan to throw rotten eggs at her lor...arhx!!!!!!...)
23:15
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
世上真的什么人都有。你对他好并不代表他会对你好。相反的，你对他不好，他就绝对不会对你好。看似朋友却非朋友，那究竟该对谁付出真心呢？
现在我有一种被背叛的感觉。我是真的想对她好，而不是假装做戏。但到头来呢，搞得自己身心疲惫，甚至有种想哭的感觉。人与人之间相处最基本的坦诚似乎已逐渐消失，谁真谁假，又有谁能分辨？这一刻，你们还可能是好朋友在一起聊天，但下一刻，那个人说不定不知在那里开始中伤你。
只想告诉那个人，拜托你别再装了。这让我看了很恶心，很反感。而现在起我也不会默默地承受这些无聊的把戏。朋友，我们已再也不是，但别逼我把你当仇人。我想你也不希望成为我仇人名单里的第一个人吧。
给∶***（名字不值得一提。如果那个人还有自觉，应该知道我指的就是他吧）
(PS: reason for typing in chi...to practice my chinese writing skill...and i tink chinese makes e msg i wan to convey nicer and friendlier...i hav another version of e msg i wan to convey in eng...will not post tt for e time being...until i am really frustrated or wad ba...ok...after venting my angers in e 2 entries..i really am better now...to e evil witch plus 3 levels: dun worry or wad when u see this post..i am not troubled by this...jux expressing how i feel bout **** u noe wad)
23:41
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TO: NOBODY
Today's entry is gonna to be devastating...well..perhaps not to me...cos i will not be bothered by this animore...at least after this entry...i am
SURE i will not be bothered animore...Cos i am already sick and tired of this stupid thing...i dunno why i am e
UNLUCKY caught in this situation...and no matter how hard i try to get out of it...i just cant...be it i take a step back or forward...it is still of no difference...
Sometimes i really wonder why we have to be nice ppl at all times???...Yes we may be laughing and talking together happily now...but next moment...e other party can be literally taking a knife to stab u...ok...tt's called backstabbing..i really
HATE it...backstabbing i talking bout here...is different from e usual gossip or watever...it hurts more...and e main point is....it RUINS ANY FRIENDSHIP....so wads e meaning of this: behaving friend friends with ppl..always telling ppl how much u care 4 them or wadever...then at e same time...saying out elsewhere how much u dun like tt person???????...I really DUN UNDERSTAND lor...and this stupid thing had been spoiling my mood for e whole day...(i really wan to thank e person for telling me bout tt matter...if not i really will go on behaving like a fool and continue to treat * as nice as i could)...
Really wan to give a big
LOL here...from now onwards...i am not gg to be so friendly and nice animore to those who are not worth it....be it watever underlying reasons u hav...u hav NO REASON to hurt those ppl around u...since u already taken tt step to hurt...be it publicly or privately...i will not hesitate to do e same...come on..i am no longer e person who will take any scoldings or watever as it come...and my TEMPER is not good at all...so really dun force me...OK????....
Above is dedicated to NOBODY...if u tink u are e nobody and u fits into what i write..then fine u are...if u think i really dislike this nobody..then let me tell u U R RIGHT!!!...6th instinct is pretty accurate ok???...of cos...if u tink u are not what i say jux now..then U ARE NOT...i will still be nice nice and treat all my friends around me well...provided i tink they r worth it....i noe who they r...and u noe who u r...
(PS..i am NOT gg to entertain any qns bout this post regarding who NOBODY is...cos it may really be nobody...ok..i am contradicting here...but u r who u tink u r...tt's all i gonna say...now my mood is definitely better...i will hav a good nite sleep and 4get all bout this...so friends...jux read read will do...and 4get bout this post...i am jux venting my anger...or rather my 伤感与无奈)
23:02
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Sunday, May 06, 2007
What's wrong???
I dunno what's wrong with my internet browser...but right now i am experiencing great difficulty in posting....arhx!!!!....so...i shall postpone this update to dunno when la...actually oso nothing much to say...usual stuff i had been doing....jux a fact to mention tt: i am getting less than 6hours of sleep each day...ahhh...hope things will be better after wk 6..this wk is a chaotic wk..napfa test...2 skill tests...theory test...and not to mention e big no. of tutorials and projects to be done....sianx....really mux 坚持...
[PS: my power of 坚持-ing is actually from my idol..haha...this might sound ridiculous...but if not for him (or rather his books...i dun tink i can persevere so long ba)...and he is...tada....sun xie zhi from 5566...really thanks to his books:志气and 坚持....thought me and encourage me alot...though i only read through once dunno how many years ago....but i guess e spirit of perseverance had been passed to me le :) ]
{ok..i cant change e text colour too...stupid...}
23:05
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