Friday, January 30, 2009

emo once again

It is rest day today...pm shift tmr..and rest day again on sat...dun ask me why my shifts are like tt...cos i also dunno...but good in a way...i wont feel stress or what...cos after tmr will be rest again ma...自我安慰thinking...aniwae...spent the morning at home rotting...haha...watching tv and sleeping...then went out around 4pm...reach nuh and met emily...then we cabbed to snb together (ooops...now i remember again..to return her money...new year cannot owe $$ lehx..)...reach there already 5pm le...haix...specially go there to submit our diplomas...initially thought only those not bonded need to take the trouble to go down...but no lehx...haha..emily also received the letter to go submit...so we go together lo...aniwae..i dun like to go there..found tt ppl there quite attitude...haix...aniwae..in less than 10 mins...we are out of the place le...really...simply...a waste of time...

but aniwae...we went to chinatown for makan..haha...walk here walk there...lol...in e end...we ate at the 美食街 there...food there nice actually...just a little ex la...for street food...but aniwae...taste is the most impt..

dun be surprised...yup...this is a table for 2...lol...we both are big eaters i guessed..we finished up almost everything...until we are so full tt we decided to go walk walk...after walk walk...ate the durian pancake again..yummy..haha..i think cannot treat us to any dinner..cos tt person will be broke...aniwae..took 174 back...hehe...she takes back to boonlay...while i takes back to my home...i think i abit bad la..take mrt actually faster than bus...but still...we took bus...aniwae..the bus ride made me sick...motion sickness...it is recurring more often now..haix..

during cny...as never do much visiting or what...i am either stuck at work or stuck at home...started to indulge in my books again...bought a few novels back from tw last time...until now still havent finish...so started to read again...they are nice...but i dunno why...mostly the books i bought quite emo one..read already makes me feel emo...then when i feel emo...will feel like listening to sad sad songs...so in e end...my mood will crash to the bottom...ending will be like now...late night also cannot sleep...just continue to emo-ing...

haha...but actually reading novels quite interesting...i didnt realise that reading can actually increase one's knowledge tt much...like today...while browsing some books...i actually realised that some wierd things or places i actually had some knowledge about them...cos i read about them somewhere b4...cool right...but i feel..nice thing about reading is...it will trigger u to think alot...like a lot of phrases and words they used...are actually interesting and makes me want to think more about them..but of cos..while thinking more..will think about not so good things also..but nonetheless..it still triggers your brain to work...tt's why i prefer 哲学小说..more interesting...and the things they narrate are not so direct...话中有话...and the ultimate meaning or the story will depends on how u look at it...cool...

ok..enough of my rambling..until now..almost finished my 3rd book of the year...not bad ba..jan only read 3 books le..2 chinese 1 eng...haha..hope i can finish by tonight...回眸...nice novel...funny...yet touching...all e cold jokes inside makes me laugh...the storyline is simple..没有任何轰轰烈烈的剧情，也不是什么爱到你死我活的故事...

yup..simple yet touching..ok...1am now...i am sleeping later in e night...舍不得睡...actually...night time really is the most relaxing time of the day lo...no stress no noise...可以更清楚听见自己心里的话...

00:32

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

taiwan trip - hualian

A random post...realised that had not post anything re: recent taiwan trip at all...honestly speaking...i had forgotten most interesting details which i initially wanted to post...haha..anyway...just randomly post some pictures here ba...sharing here...my fave part of the trip...visit to hualien...esp. 七星潭..i can say this is the most beautiful place that i ever gone to...for the last 20 years of my life...haha...in hualien..went to the famous taroko gorge also...all stones...rocks...and mountains there..so i really dunno how to rearrange my pics...all look the same on pics...haha...though magnificant...but i prefer this nice sea horizon view...it is REALLY beautiful lo...

(my first ever train ride...super long to me..around 3.5 hours..haha..
but i sleep throughout...opened eyes sometimes...saw the train pass through
pacific ocean..cool man...aniwae...train ride not that uncomfortable...at least to me...)

(super nice view...blue blue and blue...real scenery more nicer...haha...and
due to winter time...very cooling...huge waves...big wind...it is a very clean
beach actually...if not winter...i think i will jump into the water..super clear
blue water also...)

(one special thing about this beach is that...there is no sand...all are small pebbles...
or stones..as u walk nearer to the sea...the pebbles will increase in size
then again will decrease in size...like different areas different sizes..haha)

(muah chee in hualien is ver nice and delicious
all handmade...unfortunately their freshly made one only can
last 2 days...if not i will bring a dozen back to spore..
then not forgetting the 火车便当...also very nice...haha
i finished up the whole packet lo...)

22:04

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Monday, January 26, 2009

belated birthday post

it is chinese new year today...no feel of holiday mood...perhaps because...i am working morning shift tmr..haix...although someone is wanting to change with me for afternoon shift...but i dun wan...sorry to her...but i really dun wan my cny 2nd day to be spent in the ward...though i also need to work...but at least morning better...finish early...go home rest early..will be at home alone tmr...sian-ed...no food...i guess my dinner will be mac...lol...yup...i should sleep early today...or rather sleep now..tmr need to wake up 0530...haix...but...ya..a lot of buts...

aniwae...post some pics today...

(at kushinbo...haha..lots of deserts...good for me...my stomach can really
stuff main dishes and deserts separately...lol)

(early celebration with huiwen and candy...no pics of their
faces and mine...because...no one send me the photos yet...lol...this is
the super ex and super not worth it haagen dazz ice cream...)

(my super late birthday cake...haha)

(with no candles...lol...rejected candles...because i dun wanna blow candles...
so am i still considered 20 still...lol)

(birthday gift from my sis...no eeyore...but got patrick...haha...
super love it..so big...haha...pink colour :) )

(omg...my spongebob looks so insignificant beside it...hehe...
yeah...i got a lot of toys lo...)

23:19

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

pre cny post

wow...feels that this year really moves fast...cny is coming...just next wk...haha...i am only looking forward to reunion dinner...ya...tt's it...food ma...will have a lot of good food...lol...other than tt nothing else...i guess i had past the age of looking forward to cny because of hongbaos...new clothes...or whatever...i am already 21...ya...21...spent my 21st birthday in e boredest what...lol...no celebrations or what...just like it past like any other normal days...i dun feel exceptionally happy or different on tt day also...but...thanks to all birthday greetings i received...really appreciates it...though i dun have any fanciful birthday party or what...i am still happy with those greetings...and of course thanks to those whom never wish me at all...i am not mad or what...it is just confirming my feeling of i am not tt important anyway...

anyway...it had all past...haha...sadly to say...my ultra good mood had used up...haix...i was hoping it to remain for like 6months...no la..haha...kidding...but of course...like what ppl say...good luck won't stay with u forever...and i assume that good mood won't stay forever also...haha...not say i am feeling down or what now...just...normal ba...not extra happy or what...but not sad or stress or what...i guess i am really starting to adapt to my working life...and to face it positively instead...though there are still many times which my luck not good...super busy until 12mn then reach home..write notes until my fingers like gg to cramp le...i dun feel angry stress or what...instead i will just like slowly write...finished up my stuff then go home lo...i dunno this is a good or bad sign...i am starting to feel indifferent to a lot of things...maybe one day i will become emotionless too..

back to cny topic...not looking forward...cos i dun yearn for the hongbao money tt much anymore...haha...i am earning my own money now...and i dun look forward to new clothes anymore...used to seldom buy clothes...so cny will be a great chance for me to grab a lot of clothes...but now i can buy clothes anytime i want..no issue..so cny or not...i still get new clothings..with my own money of course...and...i dun really care about new clothings or what...cos i had little occasions to wear them out also...gg to work...just wear tshirts and shorts lo...lazy to even wear jeans..got to change to scrubs anyway...so the only thing left about cny is good food...or rather good homecooked food...ya...i dun care about outside food...i can eat anytime anywhere also...just that now rarely get to eat home food...so ...perhaps reunion dinner is a great opportunity...i miss curry chicken...braised duck...and steamed fish...perhaps some soup and vege too...

see...even festive seasons dun pose much meaning to me now...not christmas...not new year...not chinese new year...and not even my own birthday...i dunno what am i turning into...a working creature with no emotion??..or what...i think i fit nicely into mayday song 生存以上生活以下...nope...i dun want to grumble anymore...i know doing every or anything had both good and bad points...i know studying will be stress also...and i know working will bring me money...i know ppl should leave with a goal...i know everyone should think positively...i know i must relax...i know i know and i know...i know i will always feel ppl are living a better life than me...isn't that what most ppl will feel??...

when u are studying...u will say ppl working are much better...no need to worry about exams and tests...got money to spend...but they never think of the "thousand greater amount of stress than exam" working ppl feel...they never think of the terrifying human relationships that we handle...they never know that it is no longer about friends or not friends...it is about backstabbing...not gossiping...it is about real tears and battle...and not kiddish games that u faced in school...and of course...like us when we are working...we will tend to forget how hard studying may be...the never ending projects and projects...exams and exams...long hours of lectures with lecturer saying things that no one understand...mugging into wee hours in the night..

yup..if only i am working...if only i am studying...if only i am not working...if only i am not studying...if only we are not doing what we are doing now...what do we want exactly...what do i want exactly???

i am once very sure tt i will definitely enrol into uni this year...but is that what i only want???..what do i want to study exactly...??..or am i just wanting to enrol because most of my friends are studying now??..or do i just really feel like studying???..or do i just want to get out of working life and escape from it???...what do i want???..maybe i should not just blindly be envious of those who are still studying and feel outcasted that i thought i should go back to studies too...maybe or rather...i am snapping myself out of this...

it is sad to admit...but all will need to grow up one day...i am avoiding...i am escaping i know...because i really don't want to become a full fledge working adult...i dun want to grow out of my teenage life...i dun want to become the kind of adults...but still...

人始终抵抗不了命运，也摆脱不了命运的安排。对，很多人说命运由自己掌握，我的命我自己决定。可是，当人渐渐成长，渐渐被环境屈服，渐渐被现实打击，就会明白，自己是多么的渺小，多么的无力。即使多么不想长大，多么不想成为只为了生存而不是生活的人，还是免不了被腐败的环境与残酷的现实所收买，然后成为了自己最不想变成的那种大人。

或许，我的想法并不是所有人都赞同，但总有一天，他们也会发现，自己终究会走上这条路。长时间沉浸于残酷的环境，自己也会有受污染的一天。届时，即使心地再善良，心思再幼稚，想法再天真的人，也会被迫使改变自己，成为一个对凡事都不敢兴趣，一个对一切都冷感，一个连自己都厌恶的人。这就是生存之道。

真心以对不一定能被真心对待。

但不谈感情，不拿出真心的人，就一定不会被伤害。

所以，就让冷漠成为自己的保护色，好让自己能在这社会继续生存下去。

well...don't be alarmed by my above words...i am just stating out what i feel..what i feel about the reality...though much that i dun want to become that kind of person...the environment that i am in is forcing me to gear towards that direction...

被逼着向环境屈服，是所有人都会面对的窘境。

差别只是时间的不同罢了。

所以，我想，我身边的人都不可能会明白我此时此刻的心情。我也不可望有人会了解，毕竟自己也不是很了解自己。或许过了一段时期，我就能摆脱这种情绪，从新找到生活的意义吧。

23:29

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

turning 21

Just had a very very full dinner at jurong point's kushinbo with siying...really full to the max...lol...did not take any pics cos i never bring out my camera...so must wait for her to send me photos le :)

Aniwae...it is a nice simple dinner...hehe...talked about quite a lot of things...some really prompt me to want to think a lot...but i will not try to think about such things now...in any case my mood is spoilt or what...but i am really glad for her that she is finally studying something she likes...i mean...able to do things that one like is really blissful...although it may be very stress...although there may be times that u think u cannot cope at all...all these do not really matter...as long as u are doing something u like or u want...

Just like finding a true goal in life or living...well...sooner or later...i will have to face back this question again...but right now...just let me be irresponsible for a moment...let me be childish for a while...let me be just happy like that now...without thinking of such issues...

Yup...i will be turning 21 in less than half an hour...although i will be officially into adult life in less than 1/2 hour time...i still want to continue to be childish...haha...so let me change my way of phrasing...

i will be turning 18years 36months :)...

i am still young ok...haha...

currently still enjoying myself....still in the ultra good mood...still enjoying the music around me :)

23:21

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Thursday, January 08, 2009

mayday autograph session 5th jan 2009

LATE ENTRY (5th Jan 2009)

Lol..this is supposed to be an late entry...because...i cannot make it in time to upload on 5th itself..unlike the concert on 4th...and i worked on 6th and 7th...so can only upload now...plus this time...i edited and merge some pics le...haha...but very angry la...got one pic die die cannot upload up here...dotx...but never mind..already upload all unedited ones at facebook le...

Aniwae...went to queue for autograph session at 12+ i think...cannot exactly remember the time...but i did not went tt early...cos the night before did not sleep well either...even these few nights cannot sleep well...body ache...as well as sun burnt pain...turn anywhere also pain...sobs...luckily when reach there not tt crowded...so just sit down queue lo...actually queueing quite bo liao...but surprisingly time will pass fast...lol...was playing sudoku...and pokemon pearl...haha...i am so kiddish still...

Then autograph session start...they did not talk much actually..perhaps all tired from the concert??..got their signatures in less than 30mins...but i itchyhand...go buy another taiwan ed album...so requeue and sign again...haha...in e end queue very long...but i was waiting patiently...lol...actually the queueing system very orderly...despite not much barricates or security...haha...like got imaginary queue lines present like tt...like it...

2nd time up stage...i still find tt stone a bit bad mood...lol...pardon me...my own feeling...ashin also...never smile tt much...but still ok la...at least never show face...masa and monster most friendly and welcoming...haha...first time shake hand with time i used the normal left hand...(cos they stretch out left hand ma..)...then 2nd time...i bo liao...wanna try other hand...in e end...after shake finish all...feel so awkward...i feel like dog sticking her paw out like tt lo...hahahhaa...super want to laugh out loud when on stage...haha...what on earth am i doing??..in e end didnt manage to get a proper handshake 2nd round...cos i was like fooling around...after tt...stand round the stage area and observe other fans...realise tt i watched like a few hundred ppl...not even one do stupid things like me stretching out the odd hand...slaps...

aniwae...when e whole autograph session ended...they seem a bit more happier...and talk more...haha...cos all sign finish le ma...haha...in e end keep 'attacking' monster...haha...ni bu shi zhen zhen de kuai le....and guai shou jia you...haha...laugh like mad...

(lol..this is how long the queue is...and how back am i
when i re queue again for 2nd round of autograph...)

(My fave pic of the day...haha)

Haix...even though already thurs le...i still can't get them off my mind...still so into the concert mood...still want to go see them everyday...post mayday syndrome...their concert really addicting lo...now can only anticipate for the one on aug 29th...please come quickly (slowly)