Saturday, July 14, 2012
Rest
I guess people do need to rest, not only physically also mentally. After slacking at home for the past 2 days, meeting and seeing people I am comfortable with only, I think I felt much more better. It was nice talking to my friend alone in JP, rather than awkwardly facing many other people in school. You may have less attention, less stories to share about, less laughter, but more at ease at least. I am sad that I am unable to fit in comfortably in school. Oh well, no choice but to move on with it. If this is the route I've chosen in the beginning, I have no other choice but to move on. Happy or not, this is still life. Well, I really should appreciate what I have or have been doing now more. At least I have the luxury to complain, grumble, be sad or be happy about things. This is just life I guess, be it happy or not happy, you are still going to move on. Everything is just a part of living, ya, and I am just a small small part of this whole world.
Anyway, while work is starting again next monday, it is also ending in about 2 weeks time. I am looking forward to some rest in August before school restarts again in 13th August. So counting on, I will have about 13days of rest before school. Yeah! Though I may sound a bit depressed in my previous post, this is just some late night grumble. Feeling fine now, and hopefully everything will continue to go on well.
Hmm, not sure what to update anymore. My mum's playing angry bird is so annoying. Lol. Ya, I must remember, there will always be some stupid pigs laughing when you fail at things. So, stay away all these stupid irritating pigs. HAhahaha.
18:29
0 comments
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Negativity
Last month of work, meaning one more month to school reopen. I really dunno what I've been doing recently. Things happened making me a little upset, negative thoughts that popped up out of nowhere. Doing things that I am uncomfortable with, being in places where I shouldn't be in. Well, I just dunno what am I doing. This sort of sucks I know, I am just doing in things that what people think I should be doing, or what I feel I should do, not what I like or want to do. But if u ask me what I really want to do then, I dunno.
Confusing, I felt that also. People around me are moving on well, everyone is doing so well. Except me, and even without me. So, what is the purpose of my existence? I thought I've moved on already, but actually not. I think I just turned to another direction, but yet I'm still on the same spot. To make things worse, school is reopening next month, and I really dunno if I can cope with that. I will probably be hanging out in the school alone most of the time, with my only good friend away for exchange. The thought of this makes me scared. But, no matter how hard I try to tell others about this fear, people just brushed me off. Ya, literally. I think I am really born a listener, made a listener. Everyone just likes to tell me all their problems, and when I thought it is my turn to talk about mine, I will always have this "so what? whatever" feeling. Nobody ever feels that my problem is a big deal, everyone's problems are a big deal, except mine. So ya, I will just need to face everything myself, not complain to others about it, and that I am just making a fuss out of tiny things. I am just not important. While relationships are supposed to be reciprocal, I dun think that applies to me. Maybe I am just a garbage bin or what for everyone to throw their waste in. And when I try to go near someone to speak out a bit, everyone just shun away.
I may not be a very street smart or wise person, my reaction may be slower than others, but it does not mean I am retarded or what. People do have feelings and for me, I always feel that because I don't speak up much, I am much more sensitive towards peoples' reactions. How should I put it? It is just a feeling that you will experience, like when people try to brush u off with stupid answers or what, or when people don't speak with sincerity, I will just know or feel it. Most people do maybe, but I feel it more often. It is just a matter of sincerity, and whether you mean what you say or ask. Talk for the sake of talking, then forget it, I can't be bothered to speak also.
How sad is it for me? Haha. I think the only place and only time that I can truly say out what and how I feel is to a laptop, the internet, the server, the blog or whatever. I know I will never be able to say all this out to a person. It is like u tried to open your heart or thoughts out to someone, but it failed, and you know this lock will be up forever and you will never be so stupid to do the same thing ever again. I've long forgotten since when I became so introvert and anti-social, maybe I just don't want to remember it again. Well, life is not too bad this way also. A little lonely, a little depressing sometimes. But not bad to the extent that you cannot live on, there are worse cases out there I know. I am not blaming anyone else actually. Ya, I was 'made' to think this way that all these are just my own problems, no one else to blame. Well, my problems are just my problems, no big deal, heck care, there are just more important things/animals/people out there.
Who are you by the way?
Who cares anyway?
01:29
1 comments