Shi Hwee

Thursday, December 27, 2007

regina's birthday

Today marks e end of my 3 days break... so tmr will be back in action today...went out at round 1330 today...to sch to collect tt application form...in e end is like have to go back to sch once again next time to submit e form....dotx...plus hav to print out all academic records...btw anymore know how to get ir print an official CCA record???...troublesome...i doubt i can successfully get this award too...

aniwae..after tt went to meet reg wes and joanne...also saw mingyi on e way out of sch..she changed so much...haha mainly due to her short hair ba...i cant recognise her at all...lol...hmm..next time i shall go for a major hair change too...aniwae...celebrated reg's birthday....hehe...e cake was soooo nice...chocolate...my fave...then went to watch movie national treasure...quite interesting...nice scenes...no ratings by me though....cos i tink i would enjoy every movie tt i watch...haha...i wont mark down a movie jux because i tink is not nice...everyone production is someone's hard work ba...haha...

chatted with them for some time...hehe..get to know how they are doing in ttsh and all tt...a lot of interesting stories too...glad to know tt they are doing well...haha...and they are able to handle so many patients...wow...really great...hmmm...unlike me..i am struggling with my 6 pts...plus unsure of a lot of things...but some encouragement i get and feel from them...i will be ok de!!!...aniwae...really nice to meet up with friends...hehe...aniwae...heard of some news of our tw trip from reg le...hope tt e tour is good enough so we can confirm go...hehe...me same as reg...really hope to embark on e trip to tw straightaway...perhaps due to e highly stress environment tt we are in now...

nonetheless...prcp only left about a month now...must catch up with all e things i am unsure of now...i am contradicting myself...sometimes i tink i can and will be able to make it...but sometimes i tink i cannot make it at all...maybe due to some obstacles tt i am quite confused now ba...i hope to be optimistic too...but it jus seem difficult cos once i tink of gg back to e ward...my heart will feel like got a big stone pressing on it (direct translate from chi...haha)...dunno how to describe tt feeling...maybe is stress plus fear ba...aniwae...i am not depressed or wat...luckily i always talk and grumble to my mum...haha...always complain to her tt i am scared or what...and always telling her tt i tink i will fail...lolx...dunno...but after complaining...e answers tt i get like dun worry...fail nvr mind...i noe u tried hard le...etc...makes me feel better...and less stress too..

my mum and sis always tell me tt i am e one who is giving myself a lot of stress...perhaps this is true...i am always pushing myself...and i am surprised by what my sis told me...tt i should not be too perfectionist...this sentence sorta wakes me up...seriously speaking..i nvr think of myself as a perfectionist until my sis told me tt...now thinking back...maybe i really am...being a perfectionist maybe my inner self...which i not know until someone tells me...pushing myself to e limits...to try to do e best for everything...to maintain all my grades above certain figures and etc...i jux cant stand e idea of not doing things to e best...hmmm...but we cant expect everything to be perfect...mabye i should seriously think about this...and try to change some of my thinking...maybe after tt...i will not give myself too much stress...i do understand tt some stress can motivate one to go further...but excessive stress will jux backfire..and causes burn out...

perhaps for e year of 2007...e most important lesson tt i have learnt is...not to push myself too hard...and not to be too perfectionist....ok..afternoon shift tmr...i shall go rest now...

aniwae...my buying list for 2008 currently: a sony T20 camera...ndsl zelda edition...N81...(first 2 is confirm buying next wk...hmmm for e handphone...i tink better wait longer...haha...)..oh ya...last thing to mention...jux heard tt my family may not be able to celebrate cny...hmmm...cos my grandpa's death not more than 100 days la...then cannot visit...cannot receive or give out hong baos...cannot wear bright colour clothes...(tt's why i am always wearing e white and black shirts only...lol...)..haix...sain-ed...so what's e resolution...buy more high technological things to entertain myself lor...haha

22:48


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Monday, December 24, 2007

off again

Jux when i mentioned in last post tt my off days are gone...the next off days are here again!!!!...lolx....this only proves tt time really flies...fast....aniwae...yup again 3 days off...haha...worked 3 days...then 3 days off...so good...this is e only privilege u get when u r a student...these 3 days had been ok la...learnt (or rather brushed up) some skills...2 afternoons in e weekend are ok...nothing much...worked as a junior on sat...haha...then i get to go for break!!!...yeah...then sunday back to normal...took a cubicle (which contain only like 1 pt initially) then admit 2...lolx...then today...took e same cubicle again...5 pts in today...made a lot of phone calls today...quite satisfied...cos i no longer afraid of making phone calls..and i finally know how to fully prepare pt for coros le..hmm...but i still dunno how they do ward transfer...plus discharge...lolx...this is e 7th wk ba...i havent really do a full discharge by myself yet..hmmm...bad sign...aniwae...after passing report today...realised tt i still forget to do a lot of things...in e end stayed back until 3pm...still ok la...i got stayed longer b4...haha

actually intend to go back to nyp today de...to obtain e form for dunno what frontliner healthcare award...hmm...really oh shit now...it has been 2 wks since i received e call to go get e form ba...but i still havent go and take...and i forgot when is e closing date...bang wall...lolx...aniwae...shall go back on my next morning shift ba...tink is 2nd jan...haix...then saw a wierd thing on my schedule..3rd jan i was supposed to do night duty...then oso i am supposed to go nuh at 1330 for a talk...go and die la...so does tt mean tt i hav to reach nuh like 1330 and stay there until e next morning????...lol...i will be tired like hell ba...haix...lets c how by then...sian-ed...

aniwae...got my checklist signed again yesterday...haha...like finally...i also too lazy to think of tt stupid checklist...wait for my preceptor to ask somemore...so now e checklist is completed like 1/3???...lolx...not much improvement lehx...haha...some skills really like no chance to do de lor...then some things u wont c in e ward often ma...haix...how to get them all signed???...then not to forget my ward checklist...sian-ed +++++ ...is practically empty...somemore...it needs to be signed and passed 5 times continuously to close entry...then still got my stupid green skills book...is like one whole thick stack of things to sign lor...so troublesome...i better complete most of them by e next night duty ba...if only there is no checklist.......................................................

ok la...enough of rantling again...is christmas tmr...merry christmas to all...can feel e christmas mood in ward oso...due to e increasing no of choc we get and eat...(oops...i am not supposed to eat any 'heaty' food as instructed by my mum...haha...and why ah???...i still getting diarrhoea once i stop my meds...so sianed...like 2 weeks le lor...e meds so yucky to drink...)

ok stop now...bye..

22:48


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Friday, December 21, 2007

is off again

today is e end of my 2 off days le...sobs...so fast...haha...but today was spent fruitfully...went out quite early...at 11am (i usually wake up at 1130 lor)...then ate breakfast cum lunch at pizzahut...whoa...treat from my mum of cos...i am broke...haha...then went all e way to ikea at queenstown there...we were intending to buy a new set of sofa la...then walk walk walk...sofa there really quite expensive lehx...plus this plus tt...add up to almost 1k...so we decided to go off to seahorse at compass point instead...hehe...got my auntie to drive us there oso...so off we go...then reach there...eat again...at BK...haha..then go c c sofa again lor...ok la...here..much cheaper...then we finally decided and bought a set of new sofa...colours chosen by me...haha..aniwae...e day still continues...we went back to wm...then shop again..lol..this time is for beddings..all tt...but unfortunately..didnt get what i wan..so only bought a new pillow...sian-ed...nevertheless...today was really tiring but fun...would rather spent my rare off days shopping around than to laze at home then waste time..haha...

haix back to work again tmr...afternoon shifts for 2 days...then morning shift again...somemore on monday...really can die lor...tink oso scared le...sure stress again...haix...then after tt..yeah...3 off days...whoa...can spend my christmas happily at home...

aniwae..jux now was digging out my old notes for chest tubes thinggi..sian-ed...read le oso dun understand...haix...theory so different from reality de...oso read more about pacing wires thinggi...again another chimology..everything is so difficult in cardiology...can die la...

my flu back in action again...one illness following another...jux recovered from diarrhoea..then flu back..what's up next???...i am not grumbling..good in a sense...help me lose more weight..now my used to be tight pants all can wear comfortably le...lol...

hope for a peaceful day tmr...wonder which nurse is on tmr???...

ok enough...good night sleep from now......

22:50


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Monday, December 17, 2007

night duty

Yeah..i survived my night duties le...lol...actually night duty quite fun...nothing much to do...after finished reports can slack a little le...1st night still excited...so stayed awake e whole night...2nd night then damm tired...i tink i fell asleep at 3+ like tt...lolx...peaceful nights...then oso got learn quite a no of things la...hav to memorise...arhx...why are there so many different procedures in cardiac ward???...and so many difficult terms..driving me mad...

aniwae...seen sister...finally...after e first night...stayed back for a while to meet her...aniwae...very fast lor...nothing much oso....jux tt i havent complete a lot of things...meaning e checklist la...haix...not much time left...so mux faster sign finish...aniwae...i still scared of passing report....so stress...still got things i dunno what to say or pass...still depending on my preceptor to help me...these 2 nights took 8 cases (not a lot la)...then i need to like work until 8.30-9am plus then can go home..sian-ed...i am too slow...

aniwae...e 2 off days like pass very fast lor...tmr starting work again..must enjoy myself today...i am back to my usual sleeping time le...yesterday slept from 10am to 4pm...then 11pm to 10am..haha...so i guess tonight i can sleep 11pm like tt oso...back to normal...tmr afternoon shift...preceptor off...hmmm....dunno who will i be following???...hope everything will be fine...must study and work hard le....

12:36


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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

change shift again

today is so tiring for me...cos...i dun hav enough sleep...lol...yesterday pm shift ma...then reach home 10pm le...cant get to sleep :( ...i tink i too hungry or stress or watever la...aniwae...i dun tink i sleep more than 2 hours at all...then 5 plus wake up go work again...sianed...actually today supposed to be scheduled pm shift for me de...in e end i changed to am shift to be e same shift with my preceptor...lol...i tink i always changing shift lehx...3rd time already...aniwae...today i again realise i still a lot of things dunno yet lehx...haix...take a step at a time ba...i shall stop pressurising..

aniwae..tmr is morning shift again..did i mention tt i hate morning shifts???...cos everything is in a rush...plus got a lot of things to do and most imptly got e rounds...i tink i said this b4 le la...but aniwae...ya lor...i dun like morning shifts...afternoon are much better...though will hav admissions to do...(must as well...practice more on admission)...hope tmr will be better...cos will hav other students as well..yeah...haha...today i alone in am shift...in e end i keep hearing this "student help me send this...student help me get this there" etc....so i keep running up and down...dotx...ok la..though i dun really mind...but quite tiring lehx...for someone who didnt sleep...haha...then today both cubicles got 'drama' patients..quite a few...irritated me a little...

then thurs off...fri and sat night shift...wonder how will it be like???..hmmm...i shall grab this opportunity to learn more things ba...otherwise i am really lagging behind le...plus i so ultra blur...dotx...i tink need more time to learn oso...haix...today again....havent see sister yet...but heard from another nyp student she will see us next wk...hmmm...i tink i shall ask her again when i c her tmr...today no chance to talk to her lehx...then monday she off..hmmm...really must open eyes big tmr...haha

aniwae..sunday jux ended e esplanade performance...which is oso my last performance in chinese orchestra...my mum is happy...cos she say i dun need to be so tired and rush here and there animore...for me...mixed feelings...happy..cos i can focus more on prcp...which is of cos more impt in a sense...to graduate successfully...sad...because i cant perform aniwae...i cant enjoy e music i like anymore...have been in this 'line' since pri sch...and i really like my yang qin..sad....my one method of destress is gone...but i noe cant be help la...i cant possibly be performing for annual concert when i hav no time to go back prac at all..plus this time songs quite tough oso...haix...better dun risk...要，就做到最好，不然干脆别做...yup tt's e things...hmmm...so like tt lor...bye bye my yang qin...

oops...did i forgot to mention one things...5566 coming to spore soon!!!!!!!!....tt's so good news to me...and i can go to their autograph session on monday!!!!..yeah...off day for me (haha...but i dunno if i can tahan...cos post night duty)...but aniwae...this is ultra good news..haha..then mux go preorder their new album...heard their songs on 933...nice nice...hehe...and thanx janice for telling me this news...lol...i am so outdated with e latest entertainment news le..yes yes...i must feel happy now...haha...to c them again...yeah!!!!!

20:54


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Saturday, December 08, 2007

hopeless

i am hopeless....i actually keep forgetting to get feedback from sister....this is already e end of 4th wk...i still havent ask her yet!!!!...arhx!!!!!!!!!!!!...what's wrong with me???...keep forgetting things....next wk monday is a must must must to meet her......pls let me remember this important info...haix....thoroughly hopeless me...i keep remembering unimportant things...and forget crucial things...actually supposed to meet her wk 3 de lor (but impossible due to training leave and off day all tt)...then wk 4...i actually keep forgetting...even though i see her almost everyday.....ok..tt's it....i must REMEMBER...monday definitely must find her...pls shoot me to death if i didnt....or i will hang myself le.... :(:(:(:(:(

ok..i am getting depressed all over again...i actually asked my mum...it will be so good if time can reverse back to 3 yrs ago....and i will be awfully sure tt i will not put nursing in anyone of my choice...haix...c how time and reality can change a person..from nursing as my beloved 1st choice to now...i rather not choose it at all...haix...i dunno lehx...i jux feel so wierd in e ward...like alien like tt...haix...maybe if i am more communicative...then this will not happen...but how...tt's me ma....i really seldom talk de wa...especially to ppl whom i dunno tt well...how u expect me to change over a night and be friendly, sociable and outgoing to everyone i see?????????....i really dunno how to accomplish tt lor..how????...maybe to them i am a too proud person or unsociable and cold person tt's why i dun talk???...i hope not...

next wk is already wk 5 le...tt leave like 8 more wks to go...and i am still blur.....super blur.......e stress thing is really getting onto me...and my induction checklist like not even 1/4 filled up...and i am still unsure of many things...many procedures...haix...i really wonder how am i gg to get through all this....perhaps they should jux fail me now ba...then like me extend this stupid placement so tt i can learn at a slower pace...

sorry for above depressing words...but i really cant seem to hold a true smile in my face now....everyday thinking bout ward stuff makes me feel unsure and sad...and of cos stress...maybe i am seriously not suitable for this job ba...haix...well...i should stop commenting now...lets see how e sister feedback bout me ba...but i dun expect a good feedback la...i tink i will need like 2 months to adapt in this environment...(jux like in e past at isetan...i took bout 2 months to really talk and know e staff and work there)...

aniwae...today took e whole cubicle of 6 patients (ermm..or should i say 5...cos one empty bed)...ok...i managed to finish e report...but changes were mostly done by e sn cos she is rushing off early...but e bad part is medication serving ba...haha...i noe i am too slow le la...getting on e nerves of e sn le...but how...cant expect me to be as fast as her now ma...i am so unsure of e meds tt i need to check e dosage like thrice b4 i can confidently dispense it...hmm...this maybe a prob to her ba...cos i am slow and taking up her time...but i seriously think it is necessary...for e safety of e pt...since i am still unfamiliar with e meds...and e worst part is when giving e iv frusemide...lolx...i was spending like 5mins ++ to flush e iv line...then connecting e burette to e patient...then she say i am too slow oso...should complete within 3 mins...haix...if i can do everything so fast...i need not be a prcp student anymore ba...dotx...

aniwae today also assist e dr in femoral line insertion...phew...i was a bit scared...cos i am not sure of what to do...but luckily she is very kind to guide me along...and words of encouragement from her really makes me feel much better...like yup tt's right...u r doing well...etc....haix...actually small words like this really makes me feel more certain and relax....and more comfortable...but is kind of contradicting tt these words dun come from nurses who guide me...but from a dr who is not in charge of me at all...

really hope next mon will be better...luckily is afternoon shift..not muh changes le ba...monday mornings are e worst...with plenty of changes and procedures...hope by afternoon will be ok...hope i am with my preceptor...though i oso scared to ask her sometimes..actually she doesnt scold..she is very nice...but i jux feel scared when working with her...especially when tt are still plenty of stuff which i dunno...this attachment is really draining me...i dun care if i pass or fail for now le...i jux hope i will feel more comfortable during work...i jux hope any feelings of uneasiness can go away...

haix...aniwae...tmr is performance at esplanade...again i am unsure of this performance...cos i miss many practices...and even if i make it to practice...my mind will somehow drift away from e music to my work...i hope tmr i can focus more...i wan to enjoy e performance like previous...not body here mind elsewhere...focus focus...tmr will be a 'no thinking of prcp' day...then after this performance...i will then put my attention 100% to prcp...yup...this will be my objective tmr...

ok..last sentence..to remind myself...shihwee....REMEMBER TO GO FIND SISTER ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hope she is not angry or wad...lol)

21:37


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