Shi Hwee

Thursday, March 29, 2007

thought of the day

Dont know since when...this blog of mine became a place for me to recall what i did or experienced...most of my recent entries here are events of what i did...but not what i feel...or think...or...how should i say it???...hmmm...well i tink my 1st few entries in this blog are completely different style as now ba...Had it gotten better?..or worse??..i dunno...but i certainly to know tt plainly jux writing life events are quite boring sometimes...

Perhaps as we grow up...things tt we intend to say out goes through more 'filters' b4 we truely express them out...be it on paper...on screen or in words..we tend to think more b4 we do or even say anything now...maybe tt explains why i only write plainly events rather than feelings...i hate to admit..but e truth always hurts...

Then as we grow older...regardless physically or mentally..we would slowly realise tt there is no such thing as black and white...or true or false in this world...there maybe other things like maybe true..seems true...maybe false etc...so is not so easy to c things in 2 different extremes...there goes e same for feelings towards a person...perhaps in pri sch or younger..we can say things like i like her..or i hate her..she is my friend..or she is my enemy..but now...it seems harder to differentiate...cos we hav too many factors to consider...b/w hate and like...there are still things like like a little bit..not tt like...or not hate not like...we are not into extremes now..but rather..we are always 'swaying' in e middle...even in survey forms...we are very likely to pick e middle option too...isnt it??...

ok..after blabbering for so long..dunno anyone understand or not..haha...maybe i am e one who is being indecisive only ba...even if i already made a decision to a thing...i may hav second thoughts to it after few mins...this is quite irritating i noe..but maybe this is in my genes..haha...like once i hav gotten something..i would be thinking of e next thing to get...or whether i had chosen the wrong thing etc...hmm...in the end..i oso dunno what i wan truely le...simple words to put this...is zhi4 xun2 fan2 nao3..everytime i would tell myself to endure to jian1 chi2...once i overcome this barrier..everything will turn out fine...but it dun seem tt way lehx...problems are ever coming and not ending...and what exactly am i jian chi-ing for???...what do i want exactly???....why exactly am i holding on???...if i am not happy with my life now...why must i still hold on to it and not make any major changes???....but tt goes back to e 1st qns...life is not jux being happy or unhappy..there are still other things to it...e world doesnt revolve around me...and there are jux to many things and people to think about...

haix mayb i should jux stop thinking bout all tt...and remain e way i am now...happy or not??...is not tt important afterall...

18:27


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