Saturday, June 14, 2008
routined life
Life is getting more and more routine as days past...all my time just revolves between work and home now...i have nothing meaningful to look forward to..and have no obvious goals for the time being...In summary...life is so meaningless for me now...
Everyday is just work work and more work...nursing notes nursing notes...and lastly...still nursing notes...the last memory of me practising my handwriting was in primary school times...and now the time is coming back again...i AM practising my handwriting everyday now...with endless things to write...writing just for the sake of protecting self...tt's the reality of life now...documentation rules the world...what u say is no longer tt important...cos there will always be someone who can twist your words around...writing down black and white is different..cos that is e evidence tt ppl are looking at...well..above is perhaps the most important thing i have learnt for the past wk...
Not tt i have done anything wrong tt makes me want to write about this issue...just a thought tt how pathetic we human beings have become....the trust between ppl..does it ever exist now???...well perhaps only when u have written tt down ba...lol...everything is evidenced based now...who cares a shit about what u say???...
Nursing is really a demanding job..i can see why there are so many nursing students...yet lesser and lesses nursing staff...the pay is not great..and yet we need to face so many *** people...it is not only about politics in work life now...it is more more more than tt...of course..u still face e usual office politics...the usual backstabbing around...and plus plus plus...u need to deal with other professionals...the doctors...therapists...pharmacists...and many many other colleagues...and of course..not forgetting the patients...and the always demanding family members..the pay is minimal...yet the faces u see is maximised..
Ppl are always ever demanding...and it is obviously true tt some ppl still think that e world only revolves around them only...imagine how many patients a nurse is in charge of in reality...to the nurse it is 1 to 12 patients...but to the patients...they would take it for granted tt it is 1 to 1...and what can we do???..we can only try to satisfy to their demands...because...we do not want to get a complaint letter...the reality is indeed cruel...forcing people to change for the bad...forcing us to care for others because e fear of the complaints...but not because of the true lovely care for people..
Well...above what i said may be quite depressing...for the fact tt i have only started work for 1 month plus only...but this is not what i discovered recently...but long ago when i was still a student...so why am i into this job now???..well..maybe i should just say it is the nature of human...to pursue the impossible..lol...deep down...of course i do not want to succumb to this type of cruel reality..and i just want to try my best in this job ba...of course...i can easily choose another job which is more relaxing...not so energy draining...but i am really not into something with no challenges at all...i mean...how old am i now???..only twenty...yup...only...still a long way to go...how can just choose a relaxing job now without challenges???...life with no goal is already very meaningless le...let alone a life with no challenge at all???...i cannot imagine how will it be...
Up till now...i am still undecided with the goal of my life...so i am in this job...this line will be what i am interested in for sure...just the exact direction is still unclear now...so gain more experience now first...experience counts a lot in this line...tt's what i believe in...and it is proven true many times...so right now...i will only grab more opportunities to learn first...few years down...where exactly will i go????...i am really unsure...this is bad i know...but tt's me i shall say..i always have no obvious goals in my life...i am just going the direction where the wind is blowing...i do not know what i want exactly...and i am not after something materialistic at all...so what is it then???
Anyway..enough of my life talk..to people who read..ignore what i say above...because..i am just typing whatever that comes to my mind...confusing and contradicting...so just ignore ba...tmr will be morning shift again...then training leave x3..then night shift...again...no life...i will just stay home throughout next wk other than work ba...after work...i am just to tired to go out...even if i go out...i will be too tired to enjoy...
Payday is really coming soon now...in 11 more days...tt's fast...now i discovered another purpose to me working...tt is..exchanging my time for ...money...cruel to say...but money is still the most vital thing in our life now...i am quite sure of tt now...with the money...i can buy most of the things i want...with no feelings of guilt or what for spending too much..because...it is truely my money now...and with the money...i can now save up more...to travel about again..yup...if i cannot discover what i really want here...maybe another way is to travel about...sounds sad...travelling around to find a goal in life..i have once written here before...the world is so big..yet it is so difficult to find a small space to accomodate you...BUT...seeing from a different perspective...the world is so big...there is bound to be somewhere out there for you..just for you...
Yup..i have crapped long enough...please dun be mistaken tt i am living a sad life now...no i am not...i am still going to work with a smile...working with a smile (real or not i dunno??)...and returning home with a smile...at least to and fro i am smiling happily...cause i have nice music to accompany me...i am glad someone invented 'music' in this world...it really creates miracles....
22:11
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