Friday, July 04, 2008
what touches me
It is yet another late night. Reason for staying awake is due to the fact that i have slept for the whole day already. But nonetheless, i am still quite tired actually. Well, purpose of this entry today, nothing important still. Just a random entry. But well, i have been blogging randomly since the head start though.
It had been two months since i started work already. Scary. Time really pass fast without you knowing it. Sister will be back next week, no more honeymoon period for us. I think i really have to start brushing up my knowledge. Soon, it will be time for me to work independently too. Can i really handle it? I really doubt my abilities now. Just hope that this day will not come so soon. I still need someone to cover for me now, i still cannot work alone without help.
Well, this job has really been both physically and mentally draining. So much so that i have little time for any other things. I cannot help it but just focus my life on work and home now. Not much of entertainment in my life now. All work, less play, i guess this concept will go on for a period of time. But i am really glad that i still can find some emotional support from the songs that i heard. Yup, a little wierd, but music really influences me now.
Ever since i am into mayday, their music remains in my mind every now and then. I listen to their songs whenever i travel or walk. I watch their concerts whenever i can at home during rest time. I am humming their songs whenever i feel stress or high too, at work while writing report or on the road when i am alone. All i can say is, i am really totally into their music now.
Every song carries a special meaning to it. I especially love listen to songs that synchronises with me, touches my spirit. Listening to songs is not just listening to someone singing now, still many aspects to it. The lyrics, the instruments, the atmosphere, the tempo, the backing vocals, and of course the meaning to it. I strongly believe every single song tells a story, so whenever the earphones are plugged onto my ears, i will give my full attention to the song and listen (watch). Strangely, i am able to picture the whole picture of the songs that i hear or even feel the feelings involved and imagine that i am involved. Please pardon me, i am not poisoned or what, and this is no longer just liking an idol that simple.
人的情绪往往会被周遭的环境牵着走。同样的，我的心情也随着他们的歌与音乐起起伏伏。完全融入音乐的世界里，只有在听他们的歌才会发生。他们对我来说，已经不是偶像那么简单了。相对来说，在我人生中最迷茫的时候，是他们的歌陪我走过的。每天上下班的时候，只要听着他们的音乐，就能让我忘记工作时的一切烦恼。或许这对其他人来说很可笑，靠这些虚无缥缈的东西来生活真是无聊。不过，对我而言，他们已经是我心中重要的精神支柱。
烦恼忧心的种种事情，工作时的无助彷徨，精神与心灵上的疲惫与无奈，这么多这么多的感触，让我常常不知该如何走下去，要向谁倾诉，而又有谁能真正了解。很多很多心情，就只能放在心里，自己承担。毕竟总不能老是向他人埋怨，老是把不快乐的事挂在嘴边。压力，烦恼，负担，该如何释放与消除？
每个人有自己的解决方法，而我，就靠音乐来平服心情。投入歌曲的情境，把自己当作歌曲里的主角，随着音乐的旋律漫游。一切都靠想象力。所以每当听完一首歌，就有如一个人出生然后死去一样，完成了一段故事。自然的，什么烦恼都忘掉了。
或许听起来很荒谬，不过也对，这是属于我个人的生存方式。
如果没有他们的音乐，我想我不可能在这份工作生存下去，不可能知道我下一步到底该怎么走，也不可能以乐观的心情对待每一天的挑战。
有时候真的觉得写词的人好厉害，如何可以写出如此触动人心的作品。歌词与自己的心情的互相呼应，真的很玄，好像歌曲是特别为你量身打造的。
Above is what i truely want to say and express in this entry. Some feelings are indeed hard to write out in words, regardless chinese or english. I guess this is the best that i can do to try and express out my thoughts. Actually, all i want to do initially is to write out some of my favourite lines of their songs only, not analysing how i love their songs or what. But somehow, these words just come out automatically.
Sadly, i am too exhausted to continue typing what i truely intend to blog. So many lines (lyrics) i wish to share here, but my eyes are not obeying my comments now. Perhaps i will continue with this tomorrow. I shall obey my eyes instead now and get to sleep.
Ok, lastly, this is again an entry pertaining to me only. Ignore it like the previous one ba. Perhaps when one is too tired, thoughts like these will come out by itself, thanks to the night duties that i had just completed.
By the way, i am not getting depressed or what. I am not negative in my thoughts also. I am still very happy everyday, despite the difficulties i face. At least, i am still carrying a smile on my face :)
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