Wednesday, December 16, 2009
motivation
Well...just suddenly had this thought that i should post more entries...actually...it is great to look back to past entries...to recall on what i went through...because...our small small brain cannot contain all that u want to remember...sad to say...but some things are just forgotten...or rather out of your mind sometimes...so this blog is actually a good thing...so that i can remember some things when i read what i have written...or even laugh at myself for some things i have written...
Coming to year end soon...i am very looking forward to it...but 2009 is a good year still...i have done plenty of things this year...and there are plenty of things for me to be happy about...but still..i hope 2010 can advance in faster...i strongly believe a new year means a new start?..
somehow..i feel i am getting more and more depressed...more and more upset at work...got irritated and frustrated more easily..or even feels very sad and teary more frequently as soon as i talk bout work...well...i dun think anyone can understand such feeling of mine...no one can honestly..because they are just simply no me...and they dun understand how i feel...they can try to understand...but they never will...as much as how i adjust and adapt to accomodate this work...i dun think i can hang on it any more longer...i am serious when i say this...but well..of course i must have a good backup plan first...things get a bit complicated when u are getting older...no longer about like/dislike...not as simple that i can just leave whenever i want...too many things to think...too many things to take care of...but well...let's wait for next yr still...i guess i will still continue to work on until i am 2yrs old there...
ok...this is not about depressing issues la...aniway...i am still high in mood for kaohsiung concert...haha...i think i am a bit crazy le...haha...well..no one understands this type of feeling either...never mind..i will just be happy on my own...live in my own world of happiness..haha...cant wait to play mayday's monopoly game when i am more free...i think it will be very fun...at least got my sis to play with me...haha...well..i dun think my colleauges or other friends will appreciate that...unless they are mayday's fans as well...maybe in their minds i am just still childish to go after idols and they are already matured and hence will not be crazy alongside with me...but i am not childish...i may even be more mature than what they think or what they are...but i just dun expressed all that out...why rush the way to be old and mature??...why cant we just remain young at heart and enjoy while we still can...i dun think gg to concerts etc is a crazy act...there is just simply more than that..perhaps gg concerts in their minds is just about looking at handsome guys singing on stage...but that is not the case for me...(or at least for mayday's concerts)..there is just more to it than they think...but i shall not go on writing on this...because...they dun understand and they will never understand...
here i am listening to dna concert live cd and typing this entry...i have in mind to type a happy entry...but in e end i still cant..the more continue on the more i feel there is actually nothing happy things in my life to share about..things i considered happy to me is nothing in e eyes of others..things i considered sad in my life is again nothing as compared to their sad things...i am just so 微不足道 ba...but nope i am not trying to seek any attention here..i never ever wanted to be e centre of attention/attraction or whatsoever...i just want to be a humble me hiding in e back or so..i am contented to be just like that...i am contented just to do the things i like or i want...and i really hope no one will judge the way i do or think...but i know this is highly impossible...
wah...u spend so much just to go taiwan for concert ah??...wa...i think u can just go live in taiwan la...whatever they say...i just like to go there cannot mehx...reason why????...cos at there...there is no you all!!!...ok ...happy...
alright whatever...i am not mad or anything la...maybe ppl around me are too mature and serious to understand me...lol...imo..concerts are not just concerts...travelling is not just travelling..every little thing holds different meaning to different persons...i will not judge others in this manner...so who are they to judge me??...even my mum who went concert with me feels it is a well spent money...and that is a excellent concert...so who are they to judge if they had not witness it at all...of course...from now onwards i will also stop talking about concert in front of this outsiders...cos they dunno and dun understand...and talking more about this to them will just makes me angrier ba...haix...ok..i should stop this...understands...not everyone is interested in concerts like i do...
anyway...i am just continuously playing live cd in my itunes/itouch...so high...loved the songs arrangement...loves the atmosphere...listening to them makes me think back of the night in kaohsiung...一起存在的空气...不论环境再冷，内心依然很温暖。
goals set for next year: actually havent really think much about it yet...
perhaps go for more concerts..haha...i guess i will still do that..haha...
gg korea is one of my aim...
to return to kaohsiung again..yup...
well..these are goals of play..haha...serious goals of my life...is to get what i really want...leave whatever now...and advance for a new life...yup..this is the main aim of 2010...
leaving is a painful and tough decision...but i supposed...what i really want and look forward to ..is a new life after i leave...置之死地而后生...death card in tarot...well..all this sums up to a conclusion...
whoa...i am getting tired again now...almost slept the whole afternoon today...but still tired...following 3 morning shifts before a rest day...then 4nights...routine shifts..routine life...
21:00
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