Friday, July 16, 2010
it all started with dna
sudden urge to blog about something...just something...was reading my previous posts..interesting..haha...and some hidden and unpublished ones...maybe one day i shall publish all of that...cos all are interesting...some are direct, some are indirect...but all are directed to a person or an event particularly...or rather directed to a particular feeling of mine which i could not say out at that point of time...ussless me as usual...i am just not daring enough to say out things i am thinking at times...
aniwae...the sudden urge of mine started when i was reading some fanatic posts of mine..haha..anticipating concerts...concerts rundowns...etc...so funny...but i can really re-feel the excitment i had when i read throught the entries...hehe...benefits of a blog...and it all started with this DNA concert...from the DNA concert..i told myself yes...i cannot be like what they've described...(sorry to those who never watched their concerts)...yes...i must also do something to my life...yes...i have the right to pursue my dreams...and the strength to search for a new dream just came like that...
so after that...i begun the journey of researching all sorts of courses available...and finally decided on education...one part i tot i will like it cos i am one who likes to be in-charge of everything...another part maybe is because it is a fully sponsered course...aniwae...i really put in my fullest effort to achieve a placement in this course...applications...interview...medical check up...everything was done...but in e end...i did not had the courage to sign the bond afterall...perhaps deep down i already know i may not really like this course...it may be for the sake of just studying...it may be just because i no need to pay anything for this..plus the need for 2 sureties...plus my dad's objection...i gave up in the end...
then i realised...to pursue something requires effort...to give up something...requires more effort and courage...i've cried through...i've locked myself in the room...in e end ...after much pondering giving up seems to be the best option...
but i am not running away...sometimes things are just not easy as it is...getting 2 ppl to sign for your bond is difficult enough....also considering the bond liabilites...understandable that ppl are hesitant to sign for me..although i know they will if i insist...understandable that my dad objects as teaching may be just as hard as nursing...sometimes...it is not enough that u hanged on...just me myself i can achieve nothing..so what if i insist...so what if i dun give...if i really force my way through...can i really be happy?? to defy my parents to insist on what i want...although i will still decide my own path...but if this means to disobey my parents and making them unhappy...i rather not do it...so i believe i've made a right choice in giving up...it may be wasted...it may be silly...but i strongly believe my dad is more important than anything else in the world...
so now..career path unknown...but again i know i made the right choice not to stay in my ward..no regrets...although i am forgoing my bonus...i am leaving my friends and colleagues..now i may seem slacking at home...but no one knows that i am actually surfing net everyday to search for a suitable job...researching course details to see what i want to study next year...and of course resting my mind...to prepare for the next journey...
i may be old to enter uni next yr...but i believed this is a right choice...one yr more to think carefully as this may be the last time i get to choose my career and path...one more yr to relax and enjoy...aniwae...did i mentioned here that during my last day i was deployed out??...well...i think i am indeed affected by this...cos i really hoped to be in my own ward for the last day...but apparently...i am not..felt sad cos i felt unwanted..although i am leaving...but i tot this is not the right way to treat ppl...aniwae..this makes me more accertain that i made a right choice in leaving...for now...i will just continue to rest...and slowly look for a job...
20:47
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