Sunday, September 19, 2010
late night
loves saturday now...so used not to count down to any weekend...but now...i need to count down to every weekend...i can say TGIF...i can thoroughly enjoy my saturday...and i will too be sad on sunday cos monday is another working day...and of cos...i will have the usual monday blues like most ppl...weird feeling...after 2yrs of irregular working hours...shift work...especially nights...i am finally living like a normal person...still not too used to it yet...still loves gg out on weekdays when there are minimal ppl (boo..where got lesser ppl nowadays???...every hour the mrt and buses are packed!!) dun like shopping on weekends...chances are i wont buy anything...izzit a gd thing actually??? but the trains are really horrible...the shopping places are packed...everything u wanna eat is full of ppl unless u want to choose those ulu ulu ones la...sianed to the max
last week was really fully packed...everyday i know i dun have enough sleep...yet i still wanna stay up late every night..but i sorta like this kind of feel...this busy feel...well...i guess humans must definitely do things...so that she/he can feel that he is actually alive kicking breathing...rest is definitely good...but subject to a time limit...too much a rest is a torture too...aniwae...next week is another whole 5days of work...to me...this job is good for interim..if long term working there...i may not adapt at all..i think i am not used to relax working style...but of cos tt does not mean i miss ward crazy times!!..just tt i feel that i am quite stagnant here...although i learn new things as well...but it is just not that i wanted...maybe i had not gotten used to here yet...maybe i had not know anyone else yet except my ex-colleagues...just feel weird gg there la..hate this kind of feeling that u need to break into another 'family'...like they are already well formed and here comes us like a needle breaking in ...which is difficult of cos!!!...haix...hope things will get better...although not many ppl take note of us agency nurse...though we are there like perm staff already..but i still feel it will be hard for us to break in...or rather for my case la...since anyone who known me long enough will know...i will definitely not talk to anyone unless we have a common topic...and i am really not tt kind who will create topics to talk about unless i know u well enough...guess this is something which makes me harder to know new friends..not tt i am anti social just i dun like to just smile smile and try to talk those useless things...plus second point...i think i have a serious age gap with them..ya...tt makes things more difficult..not that i am still young la...although i am 22 le...but i think ppl there are alnost all older than me 5yrs and above..plus...if u consider my mentality...i think i am still remaining in the age of 16's thinking...still refusing to grow up...still thinking of childish things...and still behaving like a kid as my mum says...so our age gap are like 10yrs and above apart????? boo...how to talk???...no common topics definitely....and way of thoughts are miles apart...
sad...somemore next week will be me alone le...serene a friend whom i known as we joined there together is not continuing with our job scope...though she is still working there...but she will not be working daily like me anymore...so no more lunch partner...haix...i see dark clouds gathering in front of me...haix...forget it ..dun think so much la...i can survive alone as well...since this will not be long term as well...looking forward to 2011 feb...when i will try to enrol in uni again...wonder will nus fass take me back again since i rejected their offer this yr??? will they take that into consideration??? i hope not....well...life had been a wreck since i sent that email to inform moe to withdraw from the degree...although i often tell my family and friends nvr mind..i will find another course to study lo...its ok..etc...i nvr ever tell anyone that actually i feel terrible...really terrible inside...it is like taking so many turns...putting in so much effort...but end up...u still need to give up...to give up a dream is really difficult and is a real torture...although now i keep telling myself maybe i did not choose wrongly to give up...teacher lehx...where got so easy..it may be even more difficult than working in ward etc...at times i will still feel i can do it one actually..it is still a dream of mine...but now...i am throwing it far far away instead...since there is really no more chances for me to take back that path again...
so now...need to start again deciding a whole new path...what should i really do next??? fass is something which i know i will like la...but career path is not clear yet...biological science is something i like..but again...can i even admit to the course not??? then if i put it as first then fass as 2nd...what if i cannot get into both??? etc etc etc...difficult to decide..and i still cant make up my mind...indecisive??? maybe...perhaps...but i dun want to make a wrong choice again...this is probably my last chance to start over again...and i know clearly that there will not be a second time...so need to choose carefully...aniwae....4months more to think...
gg to 3am le...so tired...want to sleep but sadly cannot...hmmm...dun like to sleep on sofa...but no choice...aunt rarely comes need to give up bed to her...and cant possibly ask my mum to sleep sofa...then my sis..forget it she nvr even offer...so me lo...one day nvr mind la..
been and back from magic power's and ding dang's showcase...loves it!!!!!!! it was a fantastic performance...though there are some spoilers la...like the x2 opening due to equipment faulty...and weird ppl surrounding us...cannot really stand those youngsters...they have werid thinkings and behaviours...and they talked as if they already seen the whole world...lol...i dun remember myself being like tt in e past..but ppl nowadays are................................................................................................................................................................... endless negative comments...but the thing i hate most is scolding unglam or 'bad' words everytime...pls...this is a terribly negative reflection on yourself...and pls dun think that u are being very cool in doing this!!!...no manners at all...i dun think anyone in the school or family ever teaches you to say such things...sadly i think all these pl should return back to nursery or kindergarden to relearn the way of talking and upfront most manners...second hated is..speaking big words...acting adult...hear already also want to laugh...how old are you all???? dun talk as if u already seen all sorts of ppl in the world and been through all sorts of experience...it is stinging on my ears to hear such things...third hated is fan like behaviour...ok...sadly i am also a idol chasing person...been to countless autograph sessions or events...i will scream shout jump sing at those places...but i definitly wont do stupid things to try to get attention of them la...shouting names at inappropriate times..talking rubbish or meaningless things..take pictures of the shoe of them (lol...first time ever i see ppl do this...focusing the camera lens on shoes???!!!!!) and no offence..i even seen/heard some ah tiongs...(they are in sec school uniforms)...during auto session asking the idol for towels la watch la...stupid to the max...they think is funny...but it really is not...feel like hiding my face dunno why..although i dunno them...but i still feel ashamed...lol...difference between youngsters and me...i am a grown up matured...but they are not!!!!!...though i still at times behave and think like a 16...but my attitude is definitely not as childish as them!!!!
ok..sidetrack a lot...the performace is really great...just sad that ppl are not really tt high...even though the first row of mp's fans...i still feel they are not high enough...nobody actually jump tt much...but cheering ok la...and so paiseh that my lightstick fly out and hit the front person for the first time of my life...luckily it is just a slip off my hand...though it hit her...but not that hard..she dun even bother to turn back...luckily really...with my strength of waving lightsticks...just lucky tt at tt point of time i am not using much strength...lol...they sang well they played well...especially magic power...they are great at live...the fastest and best way to like someone is to see them in person and hear them sing live...hehe...
aniwae...havent mention about my guitar lesson...first lesson was ok...teaching basic music theory...though i know already some...but i still listen attentively...my 2 other friends are absoulute beginnings in music...i've learnt like 11yrs of chinese instruments...so basic music stuff i know...but i am a beginner in guitar...so need to really start from stretch....wonder how long will i take to play a song fully???..now still stuck at basic playing techniques...how to press the fret effectively...intended to practice at least 20mins daily de...but sadly after practising 20mins today...my hand actually grow blisters...so painful...now i dun dare to play for these few days in case the blister breaks and it will be so painful...already feel pain when i am typing here...haix...but but but...i will perserve on de....i guess this is a start that everyone will also go through when just starting to learn guitar...
haix...0316 now..i am dropping dead soon...eyes weary...legs tired..fingers pain...and my flow of thoughts is stopping gradually...end here...
02:29
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