Monday, November 08, 2010
down
Despite working for around 3months there le, i still dun think i am adapting to that place.The workflow, the people, the processes, most importantly, i dun feel i belong there. i think my heart cant seem to be at there at all. Although i am trying hard to learn whatever i can, i just find being there is weird. Feeling of insecureness??? Perhaps so. I dun like the feeling of being lost there, but i just cant help it. Everyone seems to have their own part to play, and they know very well what they are supposed to do. But i dont. Maybe tt's why i am lost always. I feel bad/awkward to be lost. Cos i think there are always people there looking at me, which i seriously dun like it. Or rather i hate it. I am not a kid lo. I maybe young, but i am not stupid. But i just have this feeling that they think i am ignorant/stupid/blur. Well, maybe i am not sure of what to do, because there is really nothing and no one to guide. I am considered totally new to this area of work, and i need sometime to crawl through. I dun think acting smart is a good way to survive there, i shall continue my blurness??? and smoke my way through?? Hmm, i just feel defensive whenever i am there. Cos i dun like their culture of finger pointing (which ppl always claim they dun) and i dun like their suspicious look on me. Well, i just want to shout out sometimes i am not stupid. I know what i am supposed to do, i will do it well, just leave me alone and stop following or stressing me.
Haix, I seriously hope for 2011 to come quickly. I hope for my next journey to begin quickly. I dun hate this job seriously, but i dun fancy it as well. But i am glad that it actually makes me realise i really hate this line of work and i am actually heading in the correct direction of wanting to change a new line completely. I may be studying something which seems useless in the future, but i am sure doing and reading something i am interested in will be definitely better than now the present.
October vanishes fast, and november is doing the same as well, I am very glad. Soon, 2011 will jump in, soon, my contract here will finish, and soon, i will be finally enrolled studying???? I hope so...haha, but who knows, maybe the universities decided ultimately not to admit me??? Please don't...haha. Well, i do hope to continue working here until my school starts next yr. But maybe they will not want me anymore, considering the fact i am really slow and not adapting well here, maybe they can't wait to kick me away.
But anyway, life goes on. Yup, remember life goes on. I will not be depressed and affected by such things now, because i have a bigger goal ahead of me. I like the feeling of slowly moving towards my goal, it seems that all obstacles i met with now are just stepping stones to help me reach my goal ultimately. So, no unhappiness is truely unhappiness to me. Well, it seems a good way to live like that for the time being. 化悲伤成努力向前的动力。有目标有理想有梦想的人生让一切不美好的事物变得美好，让所有的不快乐都显得微不足道。因为我知道只要坚持走下去，就能看见曙光！
20:29
0 comments