Sunday, March 13, 2011
possibilities in life
Failed to upload photos to blogger as usual. Never had this problem before, ok that's like 1year before, but now, uploading is a major problem cos it is always the 404 bad request thing or web error. So a lot of my photos just ended up in facebook, difficult to upload to facebook also, so mostly just lie nicely in my hard drive.
So my trip to orchard post, had to be postpones indefinitely, until I find some reliable measures to upload photos, and of cos, until I have enough time to do all this.
The past week had been a traumatic week, a lot of things happened, and what happened had made me think a lot. Realised that a lot of things may not go exactly to what is planned after all, and a lot of things may just change suddenly without you realising it. I am emo, not because I am just seeking attention or have nothing to do but just to post some stupid status in FB. I am emo of cos for a reason, but I shall not tell anyone else regarding this matter anymore. I figured I have gotten enough advice for now, and surprisingly those who know my prob are my colleagues (although they only know partly) and wes. Well, it was random that me and wes just decided to exchange our secrets and talk about them. Everyone indeed has their own problems and are affected by them differently. We are not in any position to try to change their thinking and what we can do is only to provide advice. Of course, whether to listen to them or not, its your own choice. I think I have sorta come across to what had happened, and hence I am not feeling as down as last week anymore. At least I will not have any emo things happening on FB or on my face anymore until things are certain.
Had a talk with candy yesterday as well. Although I did not tell her why I am emo, lol, I am not being mysterious, just that I feel that there is no need to let anyone else know anymore since I've already gotten the assurance I need from those who know, but I sorta say that there is this possibility that I may not be able to continue studies as planned. Of course, this is what I've thought myself, and I have my own reasons for thinking this way. I should have think this way long ago and not assumed that everything will be as smooth sailing as planned. Anything may happen in this unpredictable world now, and I ought to have some alternative plans. Meanwhile I am 80% set to study, I still have to think about this 20% of what if I am unable to do so. I hoped not of cos, cos if that happens that means something bad really happened and I really dunno what will I become. First time I really think deeply of this issue, and it scares me to think about it. People always say there will be downs in your life no matter what, u just need to be brave and stand up. But I knew deeply inside if I really have this down in my life, I will definitely not be able to stand up anymore. In e past I am avoiding to think of such issue, but now when reality forces you to face it, you really have no choice but to face it.
Anyway, if I really cannot study this time round, I guess I will really just drop everything here and go away for a year or two. This sounds crazy, but it is not impossible. When things get too stagnant here, or the downs are really too much for u to bear here, I figured the best way is to step out to get some fresh air. To re arrange your feelings, and to explore other possibilites of your life. But this is really last last last choice I will have, so hopefully this will not happen. At least not in such situation that I will be forced to leave everything here and just go. If just go away for a year to play, explore, then that's different.
ANyway, I know, people will feel weird reading up till here because again, I did not mention any main point. No description of what happen. Contradicting personality I have. Even with a blog which is supposed to be a diary to keep track of what happens, and of cos to write what happen, I am still unable to write everything down here. I guess it is still better to have something kept secret, not top secret but at least not for everyone to know.
Well, I am not feeling down or what anymore. Just carrying on with my daily life as usual, work and still play. Everything needs to wait till the day before I can decide my next step. Meanwhile, everything is still tentative, be it the korea trip, or my studies, or even my future plans. I guess this is a good chance to explore the different possibilities in my life as well.
Oh, I feel real depressed over what happened in Japan. SUddenly remembered the times I was there, when everything is so nice and peaceful. Natural disasters are scary, and it is hard no to treat them as a revenge back to humans, for damaging the environment. With all these disasters happening more and more frequently, it is also hard not to think that the world may really be ending soon. I guess we are really lucky to live here in singapore, protected, and worry free regarding disasters. I wonder what will happen to us, if one day an earthquake or similar events happened here. Disregarding the high technology we have here, I supposed we will still not be able to survive, as there will not be any remote controls for us to press for the earthquake to stop.
20:54
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